lost || shawn mendes

two

I decide to meet a friend at the park quickly before I leave tonight. I can't wait to turn eighteen, it's not approaching fast enough, and things at home are not getting any better. Only worse.

I don't know where I'm running to, if I run away to any state close there's a good possibility I'll be found, if I run away to any state in general I think I'll be found and returned, unless I go these 4 months without being caught. At this point, it's worth a shot.

I can't stand living with that weak woman who ruins me. I'm going to run to upstate New York, maybe there there's less people and it's quiet. Plus either way it's New York, there has to be something good about it. Maybe I can find someone to help me on my journey. Maybe I can simply live my life the way I want it...that's all I want at this point. I just want to be happy and satisfied with my life. I don't want to be ruined by my drug addict mother and held back by my gang. I do love them and I know they love me, but I need to do something great with my life. Since high school is over with, I can go now. I have my education, I'm fine now.

I groan and get out of my jeep and walk towards the beach walk. Our park here may not be the cleanest or full of the best visitors because let's face it, it's Chicago. but it sure is beautiful.

The way the morning waves crash on the cool almost white sand and how it seems that the sun rests atop the water. The birds flying around and occasional irregular sudden movements in the water. It looks perfect. it's amazing how we have these enormous rocks on the shore. if you're lucky enough to get there in the morning early, you can sit on them and witness the waves crashing against these rocks. It might not sound like the best thing, but I swear it's so relaxing and peaceful. It makes me forget about my troubles for the slightest minute. Also, that feeling of the cool water on your warm skin is breathtaking from the waves crashing vigorously against rocks or even the shore.

I see Sierra lying on her back on a rock and I run towards her. I'm gonna miss her. Maybe she'll come with me? No. No one would want to come with me. I mean nothing to anyone.

I snap myself out of it and feel the sand hitting the back of my tanned legs, and my hair all being blown behind me as i run even faster. Her medium length straight dirty blonde hair is moving in many directions due to the wind, but it still looks nice.

"Hey Rose!" she coos as I climb the rock she's on. She sits up and puts her phone away, watching me. I almost fell a couple times because my converse don't have the best grip.

"Hey Sierra" I struggle to say because I'm about to bust my shit climbing a rock.

"Need help getting up here?" She giggles at my struggling.

"Nah I got it dude" I say sarcastically as I pull myself completely on the rock. Those pull ups in gym did me good.

"So, is there anything we need to discuss now that were alone?" She asks looking at the sun come up above the water. I turn my head to look at the view, forgetting what I was going to tell her, the view just makes you forget everything.

"Umm...remember how I told you about my mom losing it once my dad passed away?" I ask her quietly.

"Yeah, Rose what's happening? Is she doing anything to you?" She turns her head at me and looks at me waiting for me to go on. If only I could tell her without being afraid. 

"Well I'm running away tonight around twelve. I can't wait for these two months to come. I will take my chances, I don't care if I get arrested or kidnapped. I just can't do it." I tell her almost letting a tear escape my eye. I haven't cried in a long time. Since my dad passed. I try not to cry. It makes me weak.

"Rose, if you want I'll come with you. I'm older than you. I'm eighteen, almost nineteen. I'm technically an adult." She puffs her chest and I laugh and nod my head.

"Please Sierra, it means a lot but I don't want to do that to you" I explain to her. I didn't think she would come with me. I've known Sierra longer than I have known Aroura . Sierra was just so trustworthy and Aroura is just a friend to laugh with and do the other stuff. Not really be serious with like I can with Sierra. She's different. She's easy to talk to and if you just want her to listen she will. She won't say a word if you don't want her to. I've had Sierra as a friend for seven years and she's helped me a lot in this time frame.

I look into her hazel eyes and she looks more sincere than ever before. 

"Rose, why are you running in the first place? I mean there has to be something that happened right?" She looks at my brown eyes and I know I can't lie to her.

"Look, even when my dad was still here, my mom was never the best and you probably know that. She tells me that no one will ever love me and blames me for her cocaine being gone when she's the one using it and buying it with the spare money. She's gone crazy Sierra and I can't take it anymore. She's lost her mind. Completely." I'm crying and I didn't notice until she wiped the tears off my face.

"I'm sorry" I mumble..

"I didn't know she was that bad" Sierra admits. And it's true.. No one did. Except me.

"Look I really appreciate you offering to come but you have a family and a life and I don't want you leaving that. I really don't want you to leave them." I say truthfully.

"Rose, look at me." I look in her hazel eyes waiting for whatever she's going to say.

"I'm coming with you wether you want me to or not. You're not going to travel half the country on your own. I can't afford to not know where you'll be and if you're even still alive after this. Plus, you're one of my only close friends and I can't lose you or go a day without you. So, we leave at midnight right?" 

She side smiles slightly. I just nod and hug her.

"Thank you Sierra. It means a lot." I whisper in her ear.

"Anything for you Hun. But how much money should I bring? Are we ever going to come back?" She asks.

"I don't know, I don't really plan on coming back. I want to start a new life. A better life. I have four hundred and some dollars.. It's not a lot but it should last us a little while. It's up to you on how much you wanna bring. If you want to come back then maybe not too much." I shrug and get down from the rock.

"Alright I'll bring five hundred in cash.. Think that's good?" Sierra's parents have good jobs so she can get any money she wants out of them. She's not one to really brag about it though, which personally is the reason I think she's so awesome. She has a lot of good but she doesn't let it get to her head.

"Yeah, it's plenty. Well I'm going to get my last few things from the house and I'll be at Aroura's until eleven. Then I'll meet you at the park. And we'll leave. Alright?" I look back at her and she nods.

"Rose wait!" She yells as I was already running towards my car. I stop in my tracks and wait for her to catch up.

She pulls me into a small hug and tells me, "please be careful with your mom, please. I know what she's done, I can't have you hurt Rose." She gives me a gentle squeeze and I hold her close before letting her go.

"I will Sierra I promise. Just a few more hours." I send her a weak smile so she won't worry too much.

"I'll see you around eleven thirty!" I yell as I run through the cold sand to get to my jeep.

Only a few hours Rose. We''ll make it.

_________________

Be safe, careful and stay beautiful all of you. I love you❤️
- Lani