Okay, if there's one thing that I hate more than anything in this world, it's fuckboys. If you know me personally, then you'll most likely be nodding your head at this because I literally rant about it ALL THE TIME. And, you know why? Because fuckboys are an abomination to the human race.
They are literally everywhere. Like, I don't know how it is where you live, but where I live, they have practically taken over! They're everywhere! My friend and I went to King's Island (which, if you don't know is an amusement park in Ohio), and we counted how many fuckboys we could count, and you know how many we counted? Nineteen! I don't know about you, but to me that is actually so sad and terrifying.
Now, if you are somehow blessed and happen to live somewhere where fuckboys are nonexistent and you don't know what I'm talking about, then I will sum up what they are, but first, I have to say. DOES A PLACE WITHOUT FUCKBOYS EVEN EXIST AND IF SO CAN I PLEASE MOVE TO WHEREVER THAT IS. But, anyways, fuckboys are guys that think that every single girl is obsessed with them. They are such arrogant assholes that if you just happen to accidentally look at them, you suddenly want to fuck them. LIKE NO. If I accidentally look at you for two seconds that doesn't mean I want to bang you, that means that I am a normal human being that looks around a room when she walks into it. They're also usually dumb as shit. I mean this kind of explains why they can never take a hint, probably because they can't understand a word you're saying, but whatever. They will probably be failing every single class and still go to a party the night before finals because they're so arrogant they think they're smart enough to get a good grade on the final even if they don't study. OH MY GOSH I JUST REALIZED THAT THE F ON THEIR REPORT CARD COULD STAND FOR FUCKBOY OH MY GOSH GUYS I GET IT NOW.
It's not just in the way they act, though. It's also in the way they dress. By just taking one look at a guy, you can instantly tell if they're a fuckboy or not. Some guys might seem like a fuckboy undercover because they have all the personality traits of a fuckboy, but they don't look like one. That just means that they're a douchebag. But, anyways. You can always spot a fuckboy by three things: his hair, his shoes, and his clothes. Fuckboys always have that one hairstyle where it's like really short on the sides but then there's like a mountain of hair on the top and they always brush their hand through it. And if you mess their hair up, then girl you better watch out, because fuckboys can be lethal when you mess with their hair. But, despite acting like they're the shit and that they can lift a car, fuckboys are weak as hell. Even Dora could beat them in a fight, hell, Dora's talking map could beat them in a fight. So, if given the opportunity, take a fucking machete to their hair girl, Lord knows they deserve it.
The second fuckboy trait: their shoes. Okay, I am a girl who loves her shoes, like I would cut a bitch if it meant getting my hands on the shoes I want, but fuckboys love their shoes even more than I do. Like, if you scuff a fuckboys shoes then it's like if you mess with their hair, they will flip the fuck out. And knowing them, they'll probably think you want to sleep with them. I swear, if a fuckboy ended up dying, their last words would be "nudes?" But, anyways, fuckboy shoes vary depending on their environment. Like where I live it's either these preppy vans/polo type shoes or NIKE shoes, and they always wear them with their fucking NIKE elite socks. For me, this is the most crucial trait, like if you can't decide whether a guy is a fuckboy or not, literally just look at their shoes, and trust me you will know.
The third fuckboy trait: their clothes. I have one word for you: KHAKIS. Oh my gosh, khakis are literally the fuckboy uniform. Like, I walk into class and almost every single guy is wearing khakis, like there might be one nerd guy who's wearing jeans like a normal fucking human being, but every single other guy is wearing khakis. If that doesn't tell you how infested my school is, then I don't know what does. A fuckboy will usually be wearing khakis, but if he's feeling lazy that day, you know what he'll wear? JOGGERS. I will admit, that joggers look pretty hot on a guy, but most of these fuckboys are not even hot, they just think they're hot as fuck. So, it's basically khaki pants and joggers in the Winter, and khaki shorts in the Summer. But, sometimes in the summer, fuckboys will wear these pastel colored shorts, and a lot of the time they'll buy a size too small, and their hairy legs will be out on display and it is literally disgusting. I swear, if it wasn't for a fuckboy's attitude and them thinking that every girl is in love with them, I would honestly think they were gay. Like, there are some fuckboys in my school that I am actually convinced they are gay.
If there is a guy that possesses all of these traits and is therefore a fuckboy, and he is hitting on you and trying to get with you, then you RUN YOU FUCKING RUN.
Where did fuckboys even originate from? Like honestly. And after the constant rants about them, why do they still act that way? Do they really think that if they ask for nudes then the girl will just send it to them? Do they honestly think that anyone wants to Netflix and chill with them? Like, if I sit down to watch some Netflix, then I'm ready to eat a whole pint of ice cream and watch a whole season of Grey's Anatomy. I am not about to have sex with you, like chill means relaxing, not laughing over how tiny your dick is.
So, please join me in supporting the fuckboy foundation, where we work to save boys everywhere from turning into a fuckboy. We are still working to find a cure for fuckboyism but we are convinced that there is no cure, so all we can do is hope that we can stop the spread in future generations.
Well, anyways, with that said, I hope you guys enjoyed this rant, I know I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for reading, and stay safe from the fuckboys!
