Lesbian's Diary

Lesbian's Diary [20]

September 26- October 1 2006

{Nema's POV}

Since wala na siya sa buhay ko " sa ngayon " , i stop writting diary first , wala na kasing time para magsulat dahil sa practice , at wala na rin akong dahilan para magsulat pa ... Baka kung ano lang yung masabi ko tungkol sa kanya .. All of the chapters of my diary is only about her ... Diary is my life , and she's my life ... But i'm trying to change my life because that shit life makes me feel sucks .. 

Calling Lolo Choi ... then Lolo choi answer me ..

Lolo: o ? jag-eun choe neun wae na hante jeonhwa haeyahabnikka? munjega issseubnikka? ( Translate to : oh ? Little choi why do you call me ? is there a problem ?)
Nema: ( Sigh .... )

Wala akong masabi kay lolo ... I don't even know kung ano yung magandang topic na paguusapan namin .. i always talked to him all the good things that happened to me .. Tama .. i tell her about Zoey .. how i feel for Zoey ... How i dream about Zoey .. How i think of Zoey ... and how I love Zoey .. Its good to know kasi supportive siya sa akin , Kasi hindi ko naman talaga sinabi kung sino at ano si Zoey .. I never mention her name to my grandpa ... ( Back to the phone call )

Lolo: geugeos-eun dangsin-ui hogam e daehae mueos-ibnikka? ( Is it about your crush ? )
Nema : Sigh ... hal-abeoji ye ( Yes , grandpa... )
Lolo : joh-a, museun il-i iss-eossneunji malhae .. ( Okay tell me what happened ..)
Nema : geunyeoneun na egeyag-eul sayong ( She use a potion to me )

Matagal nakapagsalita si grandpa .. Sabi ko na nga ba ehh ... ganun yung magiging reaction niya .. Kung ma heart attack to sisisihin ko talaga yung sarili ko ... Pero wag naman sana ... (Back to the phone call )

Lolo : naega dangsin-ege malhal su issseubnida--- ( All i can say to you is--- )
Nema : mueos-eul ? ( What ? )
Lolo : dangsin-eun joh-eun ma-eum iiss-eul ttae : dangsin-eun neomu manh-eun doum-eul,dangsin-eun neomu manh-eun sinloe,dangsin-eun neomu manh-i jugo,dangsin-i neomu joh-a,geuligo geugeos-eun hangsang dangsin-i gajang sangcheoleul boinda.( When you have a good heart:,You help too much,You trust too much,You give too much,You love too much,And it always seems you hurt the most. )

Lolo goodbless me at sinabing layuan ko muna si Zoey .. try to forget Zoey .. at sanayin and sarili ko na wala siya ... I should take this time para makalimutan ang ginawa niya at mapatawad siya ... no contacts to her para daw mawala yung bisa nang potion .... and then we ended our communication like that .....Ouchhh ... !!! baka di ko magawa yun lahat ... pero tama nga si lolo .. Halos binigay ko lahat ... hinayaan kong mabali ang sarili ko sa kanya ...  Dahil sa kabaliwan kong to ... nagkandeletche letche na yung buhay ko dahil lang sa nalaman kong yun ... Kung maaari lang sanang ibalik yung panahon , eh di hindi ko na sana siya inibig .. hindi ko na siya hinayaan na gayumahin ako ... hindi ko na sana tinaggap ang alok ni Yurika na maging varsity .. Pero sa kabila nang sakit na nadaanan ko dahil sa kanya ... I learned a lot ... Instead of taking disadvantage to this feeling maybe i just take this as an advantage to my new career .. i mean yes ! i'll take this an advantage to my new life ...  Bukas na yung tournament .. at sana manalo ako ... pero kahit matalo man ako tanggap ko rin naman at kahit manalo man ako wala na rin namang silbi ehh..  Win or lose i am still be Choi , Nema ...I am happy to be me , i may not be perfect but i am honest,loving and happy. I never try to be anything that i'm not and i am not here to impress anyone else. I AM ME ... But am i sure na happy talaga ako ? Its not easy to forget Zoey ... I mean its not easy to forget those people that you love ... I'll try to forgive her but i will never forget what she has done to me ... I'll forgive but i won't forget ... Masakit mang isipin ... pero pano niya nalaman na i'm a lesbian ?? o baka naman siya yung lesbian ? O baka hindi ako yung ibig sabihin nang nakasulat sa papel na gagayumahin niya .... ? Pero impossible .. kasi nakasulat yung pangalan ko ehh.. Kung matatanggap ko na yung nagawa niya sa akin.. maybe sa time na yun dun na lang ako magpapakita ?? haizxt ! wag na nga nating pag usapan yan ... When i open my phone inbox .. 233 messages , 13 missed calls , long distance pa ... for sure mahal yun ... Nang tiningnan ko yung number .. it was Zoey's number ... Then nang binuksan ko yung inbox ko .. binasa ko lang yung text ni Yurika ... which is 3 messages lang so yung 230 messages kay Zoey ... -_- When i read it, it says " Skype tayo pagkatapos nang game mo bukas Nem ... about that grand ball " Then i replied ok .. ni hindi ko nireplyan yung messages ni Zoey .. paulit ulit lang kasi,,, " Kamusta ka na ? " " Hindi mo man lang ako hinintay .. " " Hindi man lang ako nakapagpaalam sa yo " " Napakasama mo , oiiii.... " " Nakakainis ka " " Mag reply ka naman ... ! " " Oiii ! " " Psst." "Ok ka lang ? " " Busy ka ? " "Take your lunch " " Take your dinner " "Nagpapahinga ka ? " " Take your time " "Busy schedule mo ? " " Answer my calls naman " " Text me kung di ka na busy .. " " Godbless.. " " take care " "Madaldal ba ako ?" " Am i interrupting you ? " " Reply plzz... " Then i receive another message to her na " Nakakainis ka ! katabi ko ngayon si Yurika .. 9:00am pa lang dito ..! recess time pa lang namin .. text nang text ako sayo ... ! Ba't kay Yurika ka lang nagrereply ??? !! oiii !! Galit ka sa'kin ?? may nagawa ba ako sayo ?? " Then i she call me ... Sinagot ko ... Pero hindi ako nagsalita ... Then she said

Zoey : Oiii ... !!

Tahimik lang ako .. nang biglang tinawag ako ni Ms. Jen

Ms. : Nem .. dinner na tayo ... oww... sumunod ka na lang ...

I nodded to Ms. Jen ... Then Zoey said

Zoey : Oh.. kumain ka na muna nang dinner mo ... bye ... godbless bukas .. i<3you
Then i ended up that call without saying any single word .. gaya nang sinabi ni lolo di ba .. stay away from her ..
Lonely Choi Nema ... :(