1+1 [slow updates]

2: i hate birthday parties anyways

"Beyoncé, I know you're awake."

Sasha whisper breaks through the silence of my dark room.

Staying at James' home for the past couple of days has been a blur. I've barely had the energy to get out of bed let alone interact with the family. A mindless cycle of wake-eat-sleep left me not even knowing what day of the the week it was.

"I know you're sad. I can't imagine what you're going through but this isn't healthy, hun."

Sad, huh?

I guess being sad would be normal in a situation like this, but sad is not how I would describe how I'm feeling right now. The only other time I've been in this kind of zombie state for lack of a better term was when a certain someone vanished, avoiding me, and ignoring all my calls. That was different though. That was truly saddness. My mother and I's relationship was..

Well, barely a relationship.

She was never was ready to raise a kid. I was merely a distraction to her career. When the hardly affectionate woman, wasn't arguing with James, she was doing concerts or recording in the studio. It was not all bad, I mean she bought me anything I wanted. I also had a pretty damn nice roof over my head, and any food I wanted. That was already more than most kids.

"Come on sweetheart, there's a couple people that are excited to meet you visiting today."

Unfortunately, I know exactly who she is talking about. It was hard enough living in the same with him and his happy-for-no-apparent-reason-pregnant wife, and now I have come face-to-face with a day I've been dreading. The day I meet my step-siblings. Just the word "step-siblings" made my stomach tighten uncomfortably.

After gathering the strength to get out of bed, I got dressed. I quietly made my way down to the all busy kitchen and immediately felt underdressed. My $20 printed button up and blue denim, looked like rags compared to Sasha's long, white wrap dress. My makeup wasn't any better either. Just the bare minimum of mascara and a touch of concealer, topped off with lip balm, made me feel small. I never cared much for fashion, as my head was always buried in books. As long as it was clean and comfortable, I had no issue.

I quietly watched Sasha run around the house with her staff decorating and organizing. She is throwing a birthday party for her son, Lucas whom is now 25.

We were only 2 year and a half apart. What a father I have, I was barely a toddler when he began his affair with his young secretary. Cliché, I know. I had no idea he married her though, that was news to me, as my mother never talked about my father. That probably explains her being overly nice. Sasha did kind of rip my family apart. It's funny it took James such a short time to start another family.