Romance In Fall

Chapter One

The cold September wind blew, kissing my skin making a shiver run down my spine. It's always times like this that calms my racing heart, it's times like this that I always needed before my monthly check-up.

Being seventeen and having a stage 3 cancer you always want to find peace, time for yourself and time to think back to your life. A time to ask yourself if you have lived your life to the fullest or if you stayed in the shadow and let your condition took over your life. Well for me it's the latter one.

Since I found out that I have cancer I've shut people out. I've isolated myself in my misery, constantly asking why does it have to be me? Me who valued her life so much. Me who have so many dreams; that are now shattered because I found out that I have cancer. Me who wished to fall in love but I know I couldn't cause I'll end up hurting the person that I fell in love with.

It's so hard living a life that you're not even sure that's yours to live. I know I've been fortunate having to survive this long, but I'm constantly losing hope and slowly getting weaker every day. I want to do things that normal people do, but I can't cause I'm too weak and I'm too worried and scared about my future....

...but when a boy named Carter Crossway strut his way into my life... let's just say nothing was ever the same.

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"Autumn hurry up or you'll be late!" My mom shouted from the kitchen downstairs. I checked my phone for the time to see it's only 7:30. Class doesn't start until eight. It's still early if you ask me the school is like a 10 minute walk from my house.

When I got downstairs my mom is setting the table for breakfast, but honestly I don't really eat breakfast. I just don't feel hungry in the morning... or in any time of the day. My best friends tell me that I might be depressed. They're really worried and keep pushing me to have fun--to date even, but I've always given them the same answer everytime--No, and I know that I'm frustrating them big time but I'm lucky to have such great friends.

"Oh Autumn, great you're already here. Just in time for breakfast." My mom said just as she finished pouring orange juice on the glass.

"Umm.. I'm not really hungry mom." I said, playing with the hem of my hoodie.

"Are you sure? I mean you hardly eat anything these past few weeks. But if you don't really want to, then maybe you could at least eat an apple." I know she's trying to hide it but I can tell by the way she speaks that she's so close to breaking down and frankly I am too. It's always been like this since we found out that I now have stage 3 cancer just a month ago.

"Yeah mom sure. I'll just eat an apple on the way." I kissed her cheek grabbing an apple in the middle of the table before walking towards the door. "Bye mom love you. Tell dad that I love him too and good luck with the new restaurant."

My dad is a chef. He owns dozens of restaurants, mostly four or five stars, some of which he inherited from my grandfather and he's planning on adding another one thirty minutes from our neighborhood. While my mom owns salons. She used to be a very successful hairdresser and make-up artist. So it's safe to say that my parents are kind of rich, that's why we can afford my medication.

I've always wondered how would it feel like if I'm a normal teenager, if I don't have cancer, if I'm free to do the things normal teenagers do, instead of going to monthly check-ups maybe I would go to somewhere new, have a lot of friends and maybe even a boyfriend. I wonder how it would feel like to have someone to hold your hand, buy you flowers and chocolates and all those cheesy stuff. Everything would be much better if I'm not sick.

I can sometimes imagine myself doing stupid things that teenagers do. Like drive over the speed limit or get a parking ticket. Whenever I thought about how my life was I would always be struck with nostalgia that would most of the time bring tears to my eyes. It's sad to think how my life took a major turn. I used to do a lot of activities. Like surfing every summer, hiking with my parents, visiting different countries, I even learned how to play the piano. I was on top of the world, experiencing the things that other people could only dream about. I sometimes think that maybe I was not thankful enough for the things that I had that's why this happened to me, but everything started going downhill when I was fifteen. I was diagnosed with cancer and that sucked every single ounce of light that I had. It still is hard accepting it.