Just one look

~045~

Beca's point of view:

I'm really pissed off right now. Chloe don't get me. I'm afraid for the future, but I don't want to tell Chloe, because she will laugh at me. I know for sure she will choose her child over me, like every mother does and she will love him or her more than she love me and that's logical right? Because a mother will always choose her child over anybody else. She will not love me anymore when the child is born and I don't want to lose her. Chloe is the love of my life and she will always be.
,,Beca?" I turn around and look at Stacie.
,,Of course you are here now. Did Chloe send you?"
,,No. I suggested itself to go to you. Why are you so grumpy?"
,,You will laugh at me."
,,Try me." Stacie is determined. ,,Let's sit and tell me what's wrong." I know I have no choice so I sit down next to her.
,,It's something what Chloe and I were talking about this morning."
,,So it has to do with your girlfriend."
,,A little bit. We were talking about children. She agreed to be the one that will be pregnant, but I'm concerned."

,,Concerned about what?"

,,For parents their children are always number one. What if the biological father wants contact with his child and Chloe falls in love with him?"

,,Do you think that will happen?"
,,It's possible. I'm more afraid of Chloe's reaction."

,,Reaction to what?"
,,When she hears what I'm afraid of, she will laugh at me really hard."
,,How do you know that? Beca, Chloe is worried about you. Can you just tell me the whole story? What are you really afraid of?"

,,Okay fine! I'm afraid that Chloe will love her child more than she'll love me. I'm afraid that she will neglect me and only have eyes for him or her."
,,Hmmm. I can only give you one advice right now."
,,And what's that?"

,,You have to tell Chloe. This is a real problem."

,,I'm not going to tell Chloe, Stace. I'll break her feelings because she wants a family. I don't want her to think I am a wimp. That I will pull back."
,,Do you want a child with Chloe?"
,,I do."

,,Then you don't have any choice. You have to tell her you're afraid of all this. She obviously can not smell that you're afraid. If she don't know what's up with you, she can't comfort you, if she don't know what's going on in your mind, she can not reassure you. Beca, you have to trust her, she's going to be your wife for god sake!"
,,How am I suppose to tell her? It will break her heart."
,,Beca, you're too afraid. Chloe will comfort you. I go and send her to you, just think what you are going to say to her." I only nod and when Stacie have left me, I'm thinking. How do I even begin? "Chloe you are going to love him or her more than me!" No, that's stupid. I don't want to fight her, I love her. I just don't want to break her feelings. Maybe she don't want to marry me anymore when she hear about my fear. Maybe she will laugh about me. Is this a good decision? I don't know what to do? I don't know what to say. I just want to spare Chloe. I don't want to make her upset or think different about me. I want her to love me and think of me every day, just like she's doing right now. I don't want her to hate me because I'm afraid. I don't want to lose her. I love her and I will kill myself if I don't have her in my life everyday. I don't want to lie to her, but there's no other choice. If I tell her, she will laugh at me.
,,Beca?" I turn my head and there she is...

Chloe's point of view:

Stacie told me to go outside and talk to my girlfriend. Something is bothering her and I don't know what. I need to know. I want to comfort her, take her in my arms and tell her that it will be okay. I'm walking outside right now, to Beca who's sitting on a big stone. Opposite to her is another stone and that's were I will sit.
,,Beca?" she turn her head and she sees me. A little smile come on her face, but I can see that she's fighting the tears that are in her eyes right now. I sit down on the stone what I was talking about and I'm sitting opposite to Beca. ,,Stacie told me that you wanted to talk to me."

,,I don't have any choice."
,,It's because of me huh?"
,,What?"
,,That you are all grumpy today."
,,No... Yeah... Maybe... A little bit."
,,Beca, please be honest with me. I love you and I want to know what I did wrong."
,,You didn't get me this morning."
,,Why won't you explain to me?"
,,Because you are going to laugh at me."
,,Why on earth will I do that? Beca, I will never hurt you like that." I grab her hand. ,,Just talk to me, maybe I can help?"
,,No you can't." Beca's not looking me in the eyes.
,,Maybe I can, just tell me what's wrong."
,,Chlo, I don't know how to say this." I look at my beautiful girlfriend. What is she so scared of? Does she have doubt about being with me? Or maybe she has second thoughts about our wedding? I am crazy right now, but I have to know what's going on.
,,Do you have doubts about the wedding?"

,,What?! No!" Beca look me in the eyes. ,,I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life."
,,Then please tell me what's going on." Beca's eyes find her hands again.
,,I'm afraid." Huh? Afraid of what? I need to ask her.

,,Afraid of what babe?"

,,Well uh, first of all I want you to know I never meant to hurt your feelings or break your heart."
,,Becs, you are scaring me. What's wrong?"
,,It's about the child."
,,You don't want a child with me?"
,,I do, but I'm afraid that the child will change everything between us."
,,What do you mean?"
,,Mothers always put there children first right?" I nod. ,,Well I'm kinda afraid that you will do that to. That you only have eyes for your child and neglect me. I mean, I'm basically nothing from the child, not the biological mother and not a father." Now a tear escape Beca's eyes and that break my heart. I don't want her to be sad like this. She looks to me again, but now with the tears over her cheeks. ,,I'm afraid that you will love him or her more than you love me."

,,Ow Beca." I have to fight some tears now to. ,,Why would you think such a thing? Yes, I will very happy if the child is in my life, but that doesn't mean I don't love you anymore. I will love you just like I love him or her. And even though you are not his or her biological mother, I'm sure he or she will love you. Beca, you're awesome. I will never neglect you, not for a child, not for a donor... never! You are the love of my life. You have to trust me right now, I don't want to lose you like I almost did before. You mean the world to me, don't ever think this again, because I won't choose the child over you." Beca wipe away her tears and give me a big hug.

,,Thank you." She say and hold me. I can't say anything right now and just hold her.