Worlds Away {Ghoul! Suzuya Juuzou x female reader}

The Past

[A/N: Major trigger warning for suicide.]

**Amaya's point of view**

**8 months ago**

"H-he said he's going to kill my b-brother if I tell anyone about him. What am I going to do Amaya? I can't do this anymore..."  I ran my fingers through Misaki's blonde locks, trying to comfort her, but my mind was preoccupied. We had an errand to run, and the boss didn't like to be kept waiting.

"Misaki, please don't tell anyone. You have to keep your brother safe by keeping your mouth shut. This isn't a job you can just leave. You knew that."

"I didn't know what I was signing up for! We killed a couple with a baby yesterday! We left that child an orphan. How can you live with yourself? I can't. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I haven't been able to function since I saw the look in their eyes as they begged us not to kill them. What did they even do to him? I can't imagine that sweet couple doing anything wrong," She broke down into sobs, pushing my hand away from her hair.

"You're just as bad as him, Amaya! You just go along with it! He says jump, and you say how high."

"Misaki, I'm just trying to survive!" I screamed, Misaki's bloodshot blue eyes widening in fear. "You've been doing this much longer than me, you brought me here, so don't give me that shit! If anyone's as bad as him, it's you."

I picked myself up off the floor, adrenaline coursing through my veins. "Pull yourself together. We have an errand to run." My voice was like thin ice, freezing and threatening to break with the slightest pressure.

**

The barrel of my gun was pressed against the chest of an older man. He didn't say anything. He didn't beg for his life like some of the others, and he didn't hasten to try and prove his innocence. He stared at me with apathetic eyes as I pulled the trigger, and then, he was staring at the ceiling, eyes glazed over. I leaned down and closed their lids before fleeing the scene, Misaki following me. I wondered to myself why she'd even come along on this errand when she didn't help me at all.

**

"He really did it. He killed him. My brother's dead. He killed him before I even had a chance to rat his ass out to cops. Why did he do it?" Misaki screamed, more to herself then to me, her fingers trembling around the cool metal of the shotgun she held to her temple.

"Misaki..." I tried to go to her, but the minute I moved towards her, the gun was aimed at me. "Misaki, don't do this. Please. Don't leave me here all alone. You're...you're my best friend."

"This is how it has to be. I can't live in this world knowing a monster like this man exists. I can't live in a world without my little brother." She forced the words out on the crest of a sob.

"Please, tell me what you know. Tell me, so I can make him pay for what he's done to you, and to your brother."

"I'm not going to put you in danger like that Amaya. Stay safe, take care of yourself. I love you." Her lips twitched in some semblance of a smile as her fingers twitched around the trigger.

"No," I whimpered, running towards her, just as the shotgun blast filled the room, reverberating in my ears for hours after, destined to remain in my memories as long as I lived.

**

"I don't want you to meet the same fate as Misaki's brother. He knows everything about you. I don't know if we can get far enough away to be safe from him. He has eyes and ears everywhere. I knew Juuzou shouldn't have brought you into our apartment...but at the same time I don't know if it would've mattered...he has ways of finding things out, even the things you try desperately to hide." 

Amaya and I were taking a short break from walking, crouched down in an alley, speaking in hushed whispers.

I stood up, dusting off my jeans.

"Amaya, I'm not leaving Tokyo. I have to find Juuzou. But I want you to run. As far as you can. I get the feeling that your boss is not someone who would let you just leave his... business. So you have to make yourself disappear.  Go by a different name, change your appearance. Get a real job. One that doesn't involve killing anyone."

I watched Amaya's face, seeing it droop in defeat. "You're...you're not coming with me?"

I shook my head sadly. "I'm sorry, Amaya. I can't. You'll be okay." I forced my lips to turn up into a smile when all I wanted was to cry endlessly.

"I hope we'll see each other again soon, Y/N-chan. And when you find Juuzou, tell him I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep my mouth shut like I said I would." She smiled ruefully before putting her arms around me, leaning her chin on the top of my head. I hugged her tightly before pulling away, watching her walk away from me, posture rigidly straight, head darting back and forth to look around the corners she passed. I hoped that sometime soon, she could find a place where she didn't have to fear every corner she passed.

**

Being locked in a cell wasn't something new for me. I was reliving my childhood. Except in this cell, I wasn't made to kill innocents for the amusement of bloodthirsty ghouls and rewarded based on the brutality of the slaughter. Here, I was chastised for the killing I had done under the command of the once faceless man whose name I now knew: Murata Jiro. The name I had yet to give them. I was drawing it out, toying with them. I'd promised to tell them what I knew, in exchange for being kept alive, but now I was tight lipped. I wanted to wait long enough that I could hope Y/N and Amaya had escaped. I didn't want them anywhere near Murata when he found out he'd been betrayed by one of his attack dogs. And he undoubtedly would find out. I had to bide my time.

When they got tired of me darting around their questions, they stopped coming to my cell. Not to question me, not to bring food, and not to let me out for exercise. I was trapped and alone for a solid five days, before a familiar face appeared in front of my cell, its green eyes radiating something close to pity.

"Juuzou, how did you end up here... how did you end up...like this?" Akira asked, her lips twitching into a slight frown.

As much as I wanted to talk to her, I simply stared at a patch of chipped paint on the wall behind her. She sighed, and pulled a key out of her pocket, unlocking the door to my cell, beckoning for me to follow her.

I did, the handcuffs rubbing away more of my skin with each step I took. She led me to a room furnished with a beat-up table, a chair sitting on either side of it.

"Sit," she gestured to one of the chairs, sitting down in the other.

But I preferred to stand, rocking back and forth from left to right. My entire life consisted of sitting now. I was going stir crazy, my mind wearing away a little bit more with each day I was confined. And it had only been six. What would I be like in a month? Two months?

"Juuzou." Akira sighed. "Just tell me the information you came here with. Clamming up isn't helping your case." She looked at me with disdain. No matter the human I used to be, I was a ghoul now, a member of the species that Akira despised. I couldn't expect her to be as kind to me as she used to be. 

"Why are you here, Akira?" I asked, instead of telling her what she wanted to hear.

"Well, I... I've been granted ownership of you. Special Class Marude gave it to me. So I'll be here a lot, until you earn your keep by providing us with the name of the ghoul you worked for, and those you worked with, or until you're scheduled for execution."