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Lies, lies and more lies

  "Kay stop,stop,"I pushed him off of me and tried getting my breathing under control, same as him. I touched my swollen lips that were greatly affected by his roughness, which ignited a fire deep in me. I wanted more. I couldn't, not again. 
"I'm, uh sorry, I really shouldn't have done that, not like that Liv," he apologized and came reached for the door handle. 

  I rested my hand on his, "Please don't let Anna find out, not until we firgure this out and have somewhat control. Promise me Kay?"
"Promise," he left.

    I sank to the floor, thinking about what we just did, what I just did. How could I betray my best friend like that? Part of me feels guilt but then the other feels great that it finally happened.

Ever since that day three years ago, when Kayden and I went for drinks, I knew I felt for him. Not deeply but I was somewhat getting there. Then Anna showed up at a party hosted by a friend's the next weekend. I was gonna tell Kayden how I felt. However I didn't get to that part because when I found him Anna reached there before me. She flirted with him and in that moment I realized I din't have a chance compared to her. I decided to leave but it was too late, she saw me and called me over. We talked and then I told them I was leaving but when I think back to it now, Kay didn't want me to. I saw it in his eyes, the pleading but I left. The moment I stepped out of the building, the tears began flowing. He didn't come after me. I didn't talk to anyone that weekend but on Monday I found out they were dating. I tried my best to be happy for them,despite my feelings,which still hasn't changed to this day.

   I didn't realize I was crying until I felt it on my leg. Kayden loves her. I know that but I can't help wanting him, needing him. That scares me. I'm best friend's with his girlfriend who plans their entire future out to me. I can't hurt her or myself like that. I don't know where Kayden stands but I'm sure it's with Anna.