Rainy Day

Chapter 18: Childhood

It was all black, I finally did it. I finally died, I don't have to live with guilt anymore.

I was walking around until, I saw a blank screen. I looked at it and it started showing me things. I started to go back to my childhood.

I remember when I was very young I had a good life. I had parents who cared about me, and loved me. That all changed when I was about 9. My dad started cheating on my mom, and everything went to sh*t. After my mom found out she became an alcoholic, and would drink all day and night. Eventually my dad left us with nothing, but my life wasn't all sh*t because I had Ricky, JC, and Kian. We would always hang out, and have fun together. Home was a different story though, for all of us. Me and my mom moved into a small cheap apartment. It was always just me and my mom together. One day though, I went to hang out with the boys. When I went home, I found my mom on the ground with pills in her hand. She looked pale and when I touched her she was cold. That's when I knew she was dead. After my mom died I lived with my dad for a few months before he ended it too. He was found dead while I was at school. After all that I was now 13 years old, and I was living with Ricky because my mom and dad weren't close with their relatives, and I never met them. Ricky was the only one with a decent live, I mean sure his parents fought here and there but they weren't as bad as the rest. I started cutting when I was about to turn 14. Eventually Ricky found out, and helped me stop. That's when I started talking to myself in my head. I couldn't take it so I tried to commit suicide, I was 14. Of course I failed, because Ricky found me in time. We started o2l when we were 16, and that helped me. I was doing good until I got depressed at around 18. I had it worse than all the other boys, their parents were still alive and mine weren't. I always thought it was my fault, and believed it. So I tried to do it again, this time by overdosing, but guess what? I didn't succeed. I just wanted to end it, was it really that hard? I mean if my parents could do it I could too, right? Then me and the boys moved in together, because we were making enough money. Then it was my 20th birthday, and it hit me that my parents weren't their to see me happy, to be successful, to see me grow up, to see me have so many supporters. I acted happy in front of the boys, so they wouldn't suspect anything. They fell for my act, and one day they were going out. I stayed home because I was 'sick' and tried again. This time I tried something different. I overdosed then got in a full bathtub. God I was so close, the doctors said I was lucky to be alive but I sure as hell wasn't in my head. Now here I am 22 years old and I finally succeed. It took me 22 f*cking years to do it, but I'm finally here. I can finally be dead like my family.

I swear if I wake up now I will just keep trying. I have nothing to live for, I mean sure the fans would be sad but I'm already a disappointment so why stop now. I will never find someone who loves me, and I don't have a family to go to when I'm sad. Maybe just maybe if my parents were alive I would be different, but I can't make promises. I just wish I told Troye that I loved him before I left the cruel world.

I know we just met, but I feel like if he knew my whole story he could help fix me. I feel like he could help me find myself. I feel like he could make me see the beauty in everything. I guess he will never know now.

•••♡A/N♡•••

Jezzz, I'm not crying right now.

1)Will Connor wake up?

2)Predictions on the next chapter?

Thank you for reading
Julianna♡♡♡