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Aries, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Capricorn, Sagittarius, Aquarius: Usual, normal horoscope. Fairly accurate at times.

Taurus: Where the food at

Pisces: Fish. Just fish puns and fish related things

Scorpio: Most likely evil

Gemini: Two-faced hell spawn that everyone hates for some reason 

Cancer: Either crab puns or always crying

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