Zombiestuck- Not Okay

Chapter 14

Dirk

Present

Eridan stayed upstairs for the rest of the day. I helped myself to the food in the store and waited for him to come down and grab something, which he never did. Since I hadn't gotten enough time for proper sleep since the day before Jake and I left the research facility, I decided to go to bed early. I threw down a couple of blankets in the back corner and lay down.

I tried to clear my head, but I couldn't stop thinking about what Eridan had said about working with other people. How could anyone be that antisocial? It was sad to imagine someone who was so emotionally damaged that they pushed away everyone they loved.

That's when I realized how many things from my past could have changed that might have made me like that. I could have given up on so much in my life, but I never did. Even after what happened to Jake, I kept moving. I could easily keep trying to fight away my pain, but eventually I would end up tortured by wondering why it wasn't stopping, and I would be pushing others away too. But I wasn't going to let that happen. I was just as scared of having to go through the same thing again with someone else as I was haunted by the recent past, but that didn't stop me from trying to save Eridan from himself. I had to, because...

because...

Why?

Stop, I told myself. That was enough deep thinking for today. Again I tried to push all my thoughts to the back of my mind. It wasn't working. What was that thing people do in these situations? I thought. Oh right, think of a beach or something. I thought it was stupid, but I tried it anyway. I pictured a beach, with waves crashing onto the shore, the sun reflecting off the water, all that cheesy stuff. Yeah this is stupid. Maybe it would have worked if I actually cared about nature. Instead I tried to focus on anything I could remember from before my already broken world was shattered to pieces. Happy memories flashed across my mind, but none of them could distract me enough. Eventually, I settled on something important enough to replace all my other thoughts.

A long time ago, before any of us had even heard of Sburb, Roxy figured out a way for us to video chat with Jane and Jake. A lot of the time we would use that to talk to each other instead of Pesterchum. We would have a big group chat at least once a week, but we would also use it to talk one on one. Jake and I often found ourselves talking past midnight, and although the horrible connection made it a little difficult, it ended up being one of my favorite times of the day.

Jake always had a lot to say, so he would do most of the talking. Most of the time when we were really tired, he would ramble on and on about whatever came to his mind until one of us fell asleep and the other hung up. I would just lie there listening to him talk, only half paying attention to what he was actually saying. Most of what I heard was just his voice. It was strange how distracting it was. Every word he said flowed perfectly into my ears in the soothing clarity of his accent, which I could only remember more vividly after we had met in person for the first time. The content feeling it gave me just to hear his voice relaxed my mind and settled my restless thoughts long enough to lull me to sleep. Remembering those perfect days had almost the same effect on me now, and I was so grateful to finally drift off to sleep.

I woke up in a peaceful haze. For the first time in a long time I was able to wake up without being too worried or angry. The haze wasn't from that, though. It was from the past few days in general. Everything was a blur. I was trying to help out a jerk that I didn't know for a reason I didn't understand, we were in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, and Jake was gone. But none of it felt real. It felt like I was going to get up and go play video games with Jake, or whatever people did when the world wasn't ending and you weren't dead.

At least I didn't feel stuck in Sburb. I was used to being back on Earth by now, but I wasn't used to it being overrun with zombies. To be honest, I hadn't seen anything resembling a human roaming the streets before. And now there were zombies. Zombies.

What is my life coming to?

I heard the door in the back creak open. Eridan was coming. I pushed myself up and put on my shades. He didn't say anything, but I heard footsteps. I followed the sound to the snack aisle where I found him staring at the shelves looking for breakfast.

"Hey."

He looked over at me. "I thought you would be gone by now."

"Good morning to you too."

He gave an irritated sigh and looked back at the shelf. I grabbed a bag of Doritos and tore it open.

"So are you sure you don't want to come with me?" I asked.

"Yeah."

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to leave him behind, but I couldn't think of any way to make him come. He was too stubborn, and I was fed up with it.

"Don't you ever get tired of being alone?" I asked without thinking. I knew the moment I said it that I had struck a nerve, but it was too late.

He clenched his fists. "Don't you ever get tired of talking?"

"Hey, I'm not usually this social. I'm just trying to be nice and keep you from dying, and someone has to keep up the conversation!"

"There doesn't have to be a conversation"

"What's your problem?!"

"What's your problem? It's not like you have any reason to stick around, but you just won't leave me alone!"

"I'm trying to save your life! Can't you just stop being a moody twelve-year-old for five seconds so you can see that you need help?!"

"Why do you even care about me?!"

"I don't!" I shouted. "I don't care about you; I care about people! I just don't want another person to die! And I thought you counted as another person, but apparently you don't have the logic or feelings to function as one, so forget that!"

He looked a little hurt, but I didn't give him the chance to defend himself. "Fine, I'll leave! Have fun with your stubbornness and isolation, try not to die!" I shouted, walking away and throwing some things into my backpack silently. As I walked towards the front of the store, I could hear the door to upstairs slam shut again. I felt guilty leaving him, but I knew it was a lost cause.

You can't save everyone.

But that was the thing. I hadn't saved anyone. Everyone I had seen since waking up here had been doomed. I failed Jake, and I wanted to get everyone else to safety to make up for it. I guessed that wasn't going to happen. But I could at least help someone, right? I had to, and I wouldn't rest until I felt like I had made a difference big enough to substitute for what I couldn't do for Jake.