Until Tomorrow

Day 3 of 21

Day 3 of 21- I went to the beach today after waking up and questioning my grandmother trying to figure out who the man who raped my mom was, but my whole day was spent thinking about all that I had read the night before and being that I just reread most of it whilst internally highlighting different parts about myself and my mother, it made me wonder and it showed me that me and my mom are exactly alike, being that when I was in 7th grade my aunt was moving into her new apartment and some guys came to help and one of them asked me to help. Being that we were in the basement alone he would ask me questions and I thought nothing of it until he asked what sports I play because I have a nice body and everytime we went downstairs he would find ways to get closer to me until he decided to pull me over and feel me up and ask why I didn't have underwear on and me being who I am explained that I can't wear underwear with those types of pants, he then laughed and I walked upstairs and caught him looking me up and down. I then faked sick because I was scared, he asked me about twice if I was sure I wanted to stay upstairs with my aunt and I said yes and he looked disappointed but I didn't know if I should tell my aunt or not being that once he left I finally realized what he was trying to do and that intuition told me to be sick. I felt like no one would believe me and that if I told them I answered those questions they'd think I had set myself up for it so I just kept quiet. I think I relate to my mom because she probably felt the same. I try to be independent and hold my own but even Jesus spoke about his issues to God and I should do the same and not try to fix everything myself. I now understand why I long for attention but at the same time I leave or do something stupid when I feel myself opening up and I have a person to apologize to so I'll write again. Until Tomorrow.