The Styles Brothers | Harry Styles

Chapter 49.

Harrys POV

''Why did you do that?'' He is asking so many fucking questions, but I somehow enjoy telling him everything. I've told him all the details, even the small ones like what she was wearing that day and how my eyes catch her every time I see her walk by.

''She's got in my head.''

But why? Why exactly her? I've screwed up all of my relationships because of her. I've been cheating, fucking a new girl every night keeping it as a secret for the ones I thought I loved. I've been lying to myself telling me that I was in love with all of these girls, the ones I've been dating, but I wasn't. It was just an excuse to myself for not thinking about Elizabeth. This went on for fucking three years and I did nothing about it. I've lost friends, friends that have actually been there for me when I needed them the most, but I pushed them away. Because of her. She was in my head all the time telling me when I was about to do something wrong but I just pushed her away, ignored her. I should've listened when her face appeared as the person I was beating up, I felt horrible punching her in my imagination, but I just kept reminding myself that it wasn't actually her. I was just hallucinating. 

''How deep?'' How deep? How deep is she in my head? Deep enough to play around with my mind.

''Deep.''

''I just don't understand it, she sounds like an amazing girl but you still keep pushing her away.''

''It's not that easy Matt.'' I sigh.

''Have you at least tried?''

I haven't. I haven't actually tried. I wasn't listening. I was in my own world where everything was perfect, I at least thought so. Everything I did seemed right and I didn't felt guilty for doing any of the shit I've done. Should I try? What is the matter of me trying to apologize to a girl who doesn't even want to talk to me. She doesn't want to be near me, but I can't stay away. I'm fucked up.

''No.'' I say sounding a lot more harsh that I wanted to.

''Okay, then let me get this straight.'' He takes a deep breath before continuing. ''You and Eleanor ho…''

''It's Elizabeth.'' Haven't he been listening to anything I've said? I've mentioned her name multiple times, and he still gets it wrong. 

''Yea yea yea, sorry. So you and Elizabeth,'' He emphasize Elizabeth. ''hooked up three, four years ago and then you moved to America without telling her?'' I nod and he continues. ''Then you had an amazing time here in America until she suddenly showed up years later?'' I nod once again.

''At a restaurant while I was on a date with the girl I was dating.''

''What happened to that girl?'' 

''I dumped her.'' He sighs deeply and I see the disappointment in his eyes.

''In a good way, I did it in a good way.'' I continue and he looks slightly more happy than he did before.

''Great, so you do have a heart.''

''How funny.'' I can't help but chuckle at his stupid joke.

Sophia, I wonder what she is doing right now? Hooking up with a new boy, still crying over me or just having fun like every other person should. I broke her heart and she is actually the only one I've felt sorry for. She is a nice good looking girl and I dumped her because I thought that I actually had a chance as a friend or maybe a boyfriend in a girls life who I don't actually know. I have no clue about what's been happening in Elizabeth life the past three years. Back in England she was an terrible dancer and now she's on NYU's dancing line. How sick is that? She doesn't even look like herself, she looks a lot more grown up and she dresses a lot more, slutty? No, she definitely don't dress as a slut, nothing near that, but she dresses a bit more confident, she shows more of her skin and yes I notice that every boy she walks past turn around to look at her and I feel like breaking every one of those boys' noses. They shouldn't be looking at her that way, only I should. I wan't to walk by her side as the boys turn around to look just to give them my middle finger and to tell them that she is my girl and I'm proud of it. To bad that is never going to happen.