Inhuman [Keveridge/Shier]

25

We lay there for a short while, regaining our breath and pressing gentle kisses to each others cheeks affectionately until Shane moved us beneath my quilt. I curled up beside him, his arm resting beneath my head whilst I rested mine over his stomach. We were silent, giving myself time to process our actions happily; I forced away the negatives, wanting just one night of perfection before having to face anything more. However, regardless of how peaceful the atmosphere was between us, the air gradually began to intensify. 
"Kier," I heard Shane whisper, fast paced and without much control. "Do you think what we did was wrong?" 
His question caught me off guard, not understanding how one moment he could act so confident, then the next speak like this. 
"Yes," was my response, lifting my head slightly to look towards him. He appeared in physical pain, regardless of how much he was masking it. "But right now, it doesn't feel too bad."
He nodded, yet seemed distracted. His eyes were closed, his lower lip caught between his teeth. 
"Is it your wrist?"
He nodded once more and I glanced down to where his other arm was residing beside him, watching as his finger frantically twitched in discomfort. With a gentle touch I took his hand in my own, making sure to avoid his wrist as I heard a small gasp. Bringing it closer to my face I pressed light kisses to where I assumed the pain was coming from, smiling as his fingers gradually calmed. 
"You know," He whispered, calmer since I began to comfort him. "The first time I ever spoke about my problem was by email..." Admittedly, I wasn't sure why he was saying this, but I wasn't going to stop him; he needed to talk about it. 
"Really?" I replied, letting him know I was listening. 
"It was this support organisation for young people, I could have contacted them by phone but the thought made me uncomfortable, so I emailed them instead. They gave me some advice about talking to a doctor about it; I never responded after that." 
"Did it help?" I asked, having pulled his wrist away by then, yet continued to comfort him by running the pad of my thumb over it on occasion. 
"Speaking about it; yes. What their advice was; not really. If anything, I wish I didn't know the answer, it would have been better if I had just tried to diagnose myself." I didn't know how to respond to that correctly, resorting to pressing a kiss to his side. "I think they were right all along, Kier, about my problem. It was silly of me to ever question them." 
I shook my head timidly, eyes wide at his confession. "You don't know that." I stumbled out, becoming uncomfortable at the thought of him agreeing with doctors about something I related to so much.
"I do," He replied, voice becoming strained. "After everything between you, me and Drew I've realised how wrong I was, but I'm going to change now; I'm going to try at group, and practise fighting the pain away."
"What do you mean 'everything between us'? What's made you like this?" My throat was gradually tightening, eyes itching with oncoming tears as I tried to fight my emotions away. I just didn't understand. 
"That's not important, but what is is that things might be able to get better with Drew now if I'm able to head towards recovery, and everything will be okay again." 
My mind ran with overwhelming thoughts, not being able to comprehend how things had changed so quickly; He was thinking of being with Drew, not even an hour after being so intimate with me. With sudden strength I broke away from Shane's arms, sitting up in bed with my lips pierced tightly together. I heard a soft 'Kier?' from beside me yet I didn't react, concentrating on stopping myself from humiliatingly crying in front of him. 
"Did I say something wrong?" He then asked, mirroring my position while wrapping one arm around my waist. Regardless of how upset I was I still felt myself melt at his contact, immediately curling up against him. 
"D-Does this mean nothing?" I croaked out, finally having suppressed my tears enough to speak.
"What does?"
"T-This, us two." I elaborated, his question only confirming my fears. "I-I mean, y-you have Drew, t-this was stupid, and m-maybe your disorder is real, but t-that doesn't mean that it's going to be fixed overnight, and it was only a few hours ago that you were calling your boyfriend all these horrible things yet now you're talking about staying with him even though you don't think he'd understand, but I do, and that's not-" My rambling was cut short by a small kiss to my head, causing him to chuckle near my ear. I'd be lying if the sound didn't soothe me, finding myself  snuggling further into him; I was rapidly coming addicted to the feeling of someone holding me, I just wish Laurence would. 
"Kier, I didn't mean it like that." He mumbled. 
"T-Then how did you mean it?" I then began to reconsider my reaction, realising just how ridiculous we were being. "B-But maybe you're right though, maybe t-this was a mistake. I-I mean, you have Drew and I have Laurence... but y-you'll definitely have the better side of the deal and it's selfish of me to want that." 
"What'd you mean?" He asked, eyebrows creasing cutely in confusion. 
"Drew can touch you, and kiss you, and wipe your tears away when you need him to; Laurence won't. I've never even held his hand." 
Shane's eyes widened in realisation of something unknown to me, bringing me into his lap while I curled up further into him, whining as I tried to bite back falling apart on him; I had just wanted perfection. 
"It's okay," He whispered, rubbing circular motions into my back. "You and I will be okay." I knew it wasn't going to be though, as soon as Laurence came back it'd all fall apart again.