College Fiend [A$AP Rocky]

Twenty-five

Dear Quincy,

I don’t know exactly where we stand at this point, and I don’t think it’s fair to label us as on the verge of breaking up because we’d never seen each other as “in a relationship”. I didn’t want to call you my boyfriend because it made me feel guilty, knowing the bond that Wayne and I shared. You never wanted to call me a girlfriend because you knew I wasn’t one-hundred percent committed to you. We were always floating up in the air because neither of us had the guts to make a levelheaded decision about anything. Even now, after yesterday’s episode, I feel like I should be calling things off with you, but I can’t. The decision just won’t settle. Maybe it’s because my heart loves you too much. God, hearts can be so difficult.

The point is that, well, you and I both know that I can’t stay away from you. But I just want to let you know that I’ve made the levelheaded decision to try to stay away from you. I will do my best to ignore you, and I’ll probably fail, but there’s nothing wrong with trying. So I just want to notify you so that you won’t be confused when you notice.

Painfully yours,

Sabine

I folded the paper, placed it in an envelope, and put it on the windowsill. He’d be sure to see it there, for he spent most of his time sitting on the windowsill with the window open, a cigarette in his mouth, and a leg outstretched onto the fire escape. While he smoked his lungs away, maybe he could read the letter and feel a little better. Sure, the nature of my note wasn’t anything to cheer one up, but I began to notice that I amused Quincy in the strangest ways. Something like this would surely get a grin out of him.

Wind blew in from the open door, which I was too lazy to get up and close. After all, the bed wasn’t easy to get out of once I’d gotten in it, especially not with a pack of corn chips lying beside me just waiting to be eaten. I began to nibble on the chips and flip through the channels when my phone rang; a text message from Wayne.

Thank you for yesterday if I didn’t say it enough. I re-wrapped the bandage myself after I took a shower.

I replied, telling him that he was welcome and that I hoped his wound healed quickly. Ten minutes later there was no reply from Wayne, so I assumed our conversation was over and went on to making plans for the day. Quincy wouldn’t be here for at least two hours, since he decided that he was going to begin working out in the local park. There was a track in that park, where one could run as many laps as possible with the only competition being seniors trying to get back in shape and dog-walkers. That didn’t seem like the type of scene for someone as daring and dangerous as Quincy, so you couldn’t blame me for thinking he was lying.

If Quincy really was cheating on me, I wouldn’t know how to take it. For one, I wouldn’t believe it, and I would search endlessly for excuses and reasons why it couldn’t be true. But eventually, I would come to my senses and simply be hurt, torn on the inside. Of course, I had another option, but life wouldn’t be the same with just Wayne, just him alone and no one else to fall back on.

No one else.

Whenever I did actually choose between Quincy and Wayne, would I be satisfied? Life with Quincy—and just Quincy—seemed harsh and cruel and despicable. I’d live fast and die young, which is not the way a girl’s life should be. But with Wayne, I’d constantly be living in a fantasy of smiles and love and content, so when any form of reality came around, it’d hit me harder than normal. Being sandwiched between the two of them made my life a full circle of perfection.

Every sandwich has to rot at some point.

Suddenly, the phone rang beside me, and only then did I notice that I’d dropped it in my bag of chips. I picked it up quickly and regretted it immediately after.