Tea in the Harbour

Into the Sunset

This is a parody of the cliches seen in most UsUk fanfictions. I apologize to anybody who has incorporated any of these themes into their own writing, as my intent is not to offend anybody. Thanks for reading!/////

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I slammed my fist onto my alarmingly loud alarm-clock, sitting up, yawning, stretching, getting out of bed, and changing my clothes all at once.

Since my morning routine was so interesting to me, I spent hours combing through my ugly blonde hair and brushing my crooked British teeth. They were just, so... British. It was like I couldn't escape them.

...And I definitely couldn't give a fuck what anybody else thought of me, but everybody made fun of me for it, so I cried myself to sleep at night thinking about those teeth. And my eyebrows. I was so ugly and British and I just pushed everybody away. How could anybody love me?

But, wait! I was late for the world meeting- and I'm never late. I rushed out of my flat and ran through the rain with a tea kettle in my hand. "God save the Queen," I shouted angrily, since my punk side was showing. For good measure, I picked up a cat and named it hero on the way to the building since I was late anyways.

"Iggy!," shouted Amelia with a hamburger in her mouth, as she was always the first to see me. "You're like, so, like, eyebrows, totally, hero man, dude!," she exclaimed excitedly.

"Damn, damn, double damn, bloody sodding hell, wanker, wanker, wanker, blimey bugger, dash it all," I retorted cleverly to my sworn enemy/ secret crush. She could never know, besides, she hated me.

"I love you Iggy!," she shouted deafeningly while she wrapped her arms around me. She would never love me for who I truly was.

Suddenly Francine swarmed into the building, riding on a dragon sexily, and cursing Amelia. "Mon Anglettere is mine, hombre," she yelled angrily. The dragon swooped down and Francine picked me up by the collar.

"I love you. Why won't you love me?," she asked, pointing a gun at Amelia and waiting for me to answer despite the fact that I was being held by my collar and choking. She was such a villain.

"Frog!," I managed to squeak out. Tears began rushing down her face. Madeline poked her head through the door. "I-I would h-help you, but I'm too shy and weak and you're not even listening to what I'm saying right now..." she whispered quietly.

"I'm just misunderstood. And a pervert, according to this jerk of an author!," Francine yelled in my face, her red lips shining. Before I could ask, 'what the hell?,' Amelia kicked her in the face and caught me in her arms.

"I will always be there for you, let's have sex," she began. "But I'm straight, I can't do this." The love of my life fled the room and dropped me on my arse in the middle of the meeting that I wasn't paying attention to. How could she?

"Wait..." I called. My fairy friends carried me home as I blacked out in immense grief.

I woke up in a pub, with Amelia sitting next to me. "Let's get completely drunk, and then elope," she commented hopefully. I shrugged. My life was in ruins anyways. I drank a sip of beer and everything grew hazy.

"The Revolutionary war stunk. I swear to drunk I'm not God. I love you Amelia," I confessed while punching a random chap from across the pub.

"I love you too, but you're drunk," she responded cheerfully, draping her jacket on me. I smiled, and then she picked me up and carried me home.

"No, I'm not drunk, I'm Alice," I said, laughing into her heroic arms.

TIME SKIP //////

I woke up with Amelia's arm draped over me. Oh no..! Amelia's arms..? We must've had sex. I pushed her off of the bed and onto the floor.

"Amelia, I can't believe you, did we have sex?!," I questioned loudly. She somberly lifted herself back on to the mattress.

"That's not the most important thing right now, Alice, last night, you..," she began. Why wouldn't she tell me? What was so secret?

"What happened?," I screamed. She wiped a heroic tear off of her face.

"Last night you said you loved me, but you were drunk, so it wasn't true, and now I have to live with you not remembering for the rest of my days," she confessed. I stared into her cerulean blue eyes as she looked into my emerald ones.

"How dare you say it's not true! I've loved you since I met you with the appearance of a two-year old on that island. I thought you hated me," I replied. It was true. Why else would she try to gain independence from me? It was obviously because she disliked me, and not because her country and people disliked my government system and king and needed to be independent to flourish.

"I thought you hated me," she whispered. We hugged each other for two hours.

Suddenly, she picked me up bridal-style and carried me into the sunset.
She was the love of my life. We had been dating for three seconds.

THE END