Mid July
We made plans to meet up once again. I didn't know if I was going to fake-ill or something, or go. I wanted to meet him but I was scared to death of what he thought of me, or what he was going to say. I guess my thoughts got ahead of me.
We talked on the phone, once again. 11pm went by, 12 pm went by, 1pm went by. Talking to him. Just about nothing. About ourselves and life.
It was one of those moments where you think- 'Wow. I'm really in love with this person'
And I felt that. When we were talking, hed make a giant smile spread across my face. Even though I felt like an idiot, I loved his ways of making me laugh, smile and giggle.
It was only going to break my heart more in the long run, so I wanted to do something about it.
But I was stupidly hopeless over Cupid, and I was trapped in a confused puzzle wanting to know what to do, struggling even at the thought of letting him go.
There's two paths you can choose in life; give up or progress- meaning succeeding. Giving up with cupid would mean awkwardness between us, a broken heart and a best friendship ruined. But knowing, and stopping, that he was going to hurt me anyways. Or progressing. This may not have lead to a beautiful happy ending, and it may have killed me X10 more than giving up. It also meant though, that he may have got hurt as well, because if he loved me, then we'd both be heart broken.
It was a lose lose situation. I would get heart broken anyway. But being the stupid, person I am I continued with it. He was a drug and I was addicted.
End of July
Me and a great friend of mine met him a couple of days after. We saw him in the park and me and my friend were drooling...kind of. He was a very handsome guy. Later, he saw us and we met. He was kind, dont get me wrong. But one thing changed everything.
He tried to kiss me. I don't blame him to be honest, I gave him all the signals. But for some odd reason I completely flipped and took my friend and left.
We kept speaking and I apologised, he actually accepted it.....
August-December
We still talked, and he went on with his life, I went on with mine. I got no boyfriends, he got girlfriends. I wasn't jealous because I thought of him as a friend. Stoll we talked, and talked. For many months we arranged to meet, but was cancelled due to anxiousness.
