Insanity

Surrounded

~Back To Present Time~

    I regain my consciousness, and my head hurts like crap. I look over to see Rowan sitting against her door staring at me, crying and afraid.

"Ni...Niyah... I-I di-didn't wanna le-leave you all al-alone...", she sniffles out.

    I sit up looking at her wanting to cry myself. My nightmares are getting worse. Most of the time it's some unknown force holding me down, others it's flashbacks to my past. The dream I had just had, was my flashback from when my birth mom and dad died, and it was all my fault. After that I was sent to multiple institutions, but nothing could clear me of my insanity. I hate admitting to it, but I was insane at one point. WAS. The only reason I worked on cleaning up my act was because of my psychiatrist, Ms. Karras. She helped me control my ticks, of some sort, and then put me on a medicine that helped me stay calm instead of getting very angry at something or someone stupid. After about 4 to 5 years of this, she told me that she wanted to adopt me to get me out of these silly homes that I didn't need anymore. And I believed her, but now... I'm not so sure... But... I am NOT insane.

"Niyah? Are you ok? Your head is bleeding!", Rowan runs over to me and starts looking for the injury. I let her know that I'm fine, and she unlocks the door and runs out to the bathroom to get bandages.

"Here! Let me help you with those...", she runs over to me and sits in front of me, wrapping the bandages.

    I look away from her, ashamed that she had to see such an episode.

"Rowan... Why aren't you running away? Why aren't you scared of me? I don't know what I'll do if I ever hurt you- Just... Please...", I say it faster then what I had wanted, but it's ok.

"Niyah, you are practically my sister. Do you think I would EVER leave my sister alone in that kind of moment? Because I wouldn't! And you, are NO exception!", she smiles down at me, and I begin to cry. I throw my arms around her waist, asking my, "sister", for comfort. She hugs me back, smiling.

"I have a lot to tell you!", I cry into her shoulder.

"Ok,ok. We have plenty of time. I swear! I WILL LISTEN TO EVERYTHING. And remember, Niyah, you have people who want to be there for you, because they care about you, so don't be afraid to let me know anything. Ok?", she says.

"Ok.", I answer.

~Time Skip Because There Would Be Too Much To Write About Her Past And Writer-Chan Is Very Lazy!~

    I sit looking Rowan in the eyes trying to read them. All I can get is... nothing. I GET NOTHING! LET ME KNOW SOMETHING!

"Wow... I never thought that you... How could you, have had to go through all of THAT? Someone like you, deserves so much better, and not such an awful past! Niyah! I'm so sorry!", now Rowan is crying and just looking at me with such sad eyes...

"I... No one has actually put it like that before, but you have nothing to be sorry about. What's done is done, and if that hadn't happened I would never had gotten here today.", I say it smiling, trying to lighten up the mood.

"THAT'S RIGHT! And I had no idea you were adopted! You look just like your mother!", she says not crying anymore, but smiling.

"I KNOW! RIGHT! I look JUST LIKE HER! It was meant to happen, I tell you!", I say very happy that someone can finally look at the good things in my past, and stop trying to bring up all of the worst. Until she asks the question I always hated to be asked.

"Hey, who was Wselfwulf? Was she like your imaginary friend or something?"

"Um... Something like that...", I laugh nervously hoping she'll drop it.

"Well, I can tell that now isn't the time to pester about it, so I'll stop asking questions about her. Next story!", she says. Yet I can tell that she really does want to know, and she does deserve to know. I'm just scared of what she'll do when I tell her...

"Well, Rowan... I guess I can tell you. Just... With whatever I tell you, don't run away, ok?", I say it looking down, ashamed of what still might happen no matter what either of us might say.

"Niyah. I would NEVER run from you. Ok? No matter what you tell me.", she says it with a reassuring smile, but I'm still scared.

"When I was little, I had "an imaginary friend", and her name was Wselfwulf. Back then it was just a friend who played with me, and... and she told me to do things. The night when I was taken from my parents, I didn't tell you everything... Wselfwulf... She made-. She TOLD me how to kill my dad, and I did it. I stabbed him ten times, and that's what got me into those institutions. Now a days, though, I see just how dangerous she was. She used to tell me to do "pranks" like putting very dangerous amounts of sleeping pills in everyone's drinks at dinner. Back then I didn't understand just how screwed up that was, but now I know what she really was and what her real intentions were. I was just too little to understand back then and...", by now I'm in tears and shaking because I hate talking about this, but someone needs to know. Even my mom doesn't know about this. And I hate myself for not figuring out earlier what she was.

"Hey, hey. Don't cry! If you don't wanna talk about this, you don't have to! Really! You don't have to tell me if you don't want to!", Rowan says it rubbing my back and giving me a reassuring smile.

"No. I have to tell you, or I won't ever tell anyone... I need to tell someone, and that someone, today, is you. So please... just listen...", I try to say it in my normal voice, but I end up whimpering. I am honestly so scared to talk about Wselfwulf for the fear of her coming back, but I'm going to. Whether  I want to, or not, because someone needs to know.

"Ok... But really. Don't force yourself too much...", Rowan gives me an awkward smile that says, "Do I really wanna hear this?" I just laugh it off, and continue.

"Do you know the saying, "We all have our demons.", and it means that we all have super deep and scary secrets?", Rowan nods her head, and I keep going. "Well when I say this saying, I mean two different things. I mean the original meaning, as you well know, but I also mean it literally. Wselfwulf, was a demon. Her name means, 'wolf of slaughter', and she tried to make me kill everyone I knew and loved. Which makes sense considering her name. And now when I think back to what she looked like, she looked like a black shadow, but her face was like a wolf's. When I was little, she would follow me around, and make me do unspeakable things to the ones I loved. I don't like to talk about her, for the fear of her return.", I say it a little calmer, but then start to chuckle in a very nervous manner. Rowan looks at me stunned. She then starts laugh a little nervously as well. She looks at me again, and says one word.

"Wow..."

   She says no other words, just the one. We both start to laugh. She just stops abruptly out of nowhere, though.

"Niyah... I had no idea!", Rowan says looking at me with wild eyes.

"Yeah... Apparently I didn't either! But, let's talk about something else now...", I say it smiling and laughing. She agrees, and we change the subject to the movie we had watched previously, and completely ignore the two hollow eyes watching us through the crack in her door...

   We both sit there talking for what seemed like forever, when I start to smile largely again.

"You ok Niyah? What are you smiling about? What! What is it!", Rowan asks now smiling too.

"Thank you.", I say. "For, letting me share my past with you, and the fact that you didn't judge really helps. I'm glad that I can be surrounded by people who care about me, and will listen to what I have to say, and watch out for me. So... thank you."

"Hey! No problem! I'm glad that you could trust me with your stories of your past. But I am SO tired! Let's call it a night. Yeah?", She says, and I can tell that what she said, is really true to her. She does want to be here for me. I may have never gotten a little brother to watch over, but I did get a bigger sister who will do the same for me, and love me.

"Yeah. Night!", I run to turn off the light and shut the door when I feel a cold shiver go down my spine. I think nothing of it, and run to her bed, and jump under the covers.