Pictures of You [M. C.]

13

                 

(Song for this chapter: "Our Story's Already Been Told" by: William Beckett)

Later that night, after eating dinner and Michael and I showered, we're getting ready for bed.  Well, we were before Michael decided to be annoying.  He's currently sitting on the floor next to the bed with his arms crossed while I glare at him from my spot on the bed.

            "Michael," I sigh for about the hundredth time in under five minutes, "just sleep in the bed with me.  You're not going to hurt me."  We've been having the same argument this whole time.  He thinks that by merely laying next to me, he will somehow re-open my wound, causing another trip to the emergency room.

            "Riley," he mimics my voice, which is not what I sound like at all.  "I'm fine on the floor, honestly." 

"At least go sleep on the couch.  You'll be more comfortable there than the hard ground," I try to reason with him.

"If I sleep on the couch, then I won't be able to hear you if you need anything.  I'm staying here, end of discussion."  With this, he tries to make his point by falling onto his back and pulling a blanket over him.  He then fakes snores, causing me to roll my eyes but also let out a couple laughs. 

            "You, Michael Clifford, are incessantly annoying and I'm rethinking our friendship," I say, giving up and laying down as well. 

            Michael snorts, "Look at you, using big words.  Now I'm rethinking our friendship."  I smile to myself before falling silent.  After a minute or so of neither of us saying anything, Michael crawls to the edge of the bed and places a soft kiss on my forehead before pulling the covers around me.  I thank him with a small smile.

            "Goodnight," he says going back to his makeshift bed on the floor.

            "Goodnight," I whisper.  With that, we both fall silent and I can tell that Michael is beginning to fall asleep.  I guess rushing me to the emergency room took a lot out of him.  Or, he's like the rest of the human population and actually sleeps at night like he's supposed to.  I on the other hand can tell that it's going to be another sleepless night.  My mind is already beginning to wander in a million different directions causing me to question everything about my life.

            The first though that pops into my head is of the sleeping boy on the floor.  How did we suddenly become friends?  Or are we more than friends now?  I mean, he did kiss me and we've been spending a lot of time together recently.  What if things are moving too quickly and we'll soon end up hating each other?  I don't think I can handle that honestly, not with Calum being so distant.  Michael is good for me right now.  He's genuine and actually cares about me.

            With each new subject that crosses my mind, I spend time analyzing each one in detail until I'm satisfied with my thoughts about it.  But sometimes the answers to my questions begin to fuel my anxiety.  This especially happens when I think about my parents.  They're always leaving and have been making a habit at coming home later than they say they will.  What happens if one day they leave and just never come back?  Then again, it's like they're not really in my life anyway.  They only care about me when they're bored or it benefits them.

***

            The clock on the nightstand next to the bed says it's almost three in the morning.  I keep fidgeting under the covers, never able to get completely comfortable.  Whenever I start to get like this at night I will stand out on my balcony and breathe in the night air.  It helps to clear my mind and calm my anxiety.  But I can't do that here.  I'm trapped inside Michael's room with nowhere to go.  My breathing quickens, on the verge of a full-blown anxiety attack.  I feel as though the walls are closing in around me, threatening to crush me completely.  Breathing is awkward, like I can't get quite enough oxygen into my lungs and soon they begin to feel like they're collapsing and breaking.  I try my best to calm down and slow the beating of my heart.  Closing my eyes, I breathe in, hold it for a few seconds then let it out before repeating the process.  This technique helps and I begin to settle down a bit, but not completely.