Pictures of You [M. C.]

14

(Song for this chapter: "The Beach" by: The Neighbourhood)

The house feels so empty. Loneliness creeps under my skin and into my chest, squeezing tight, making it rather hard to breathe. The floors and the walls sit quietly, waiting for me to just do something. The front door mocks me, a hopeless escape.

You could go to Michael's, a small voice whispers in the back of my mind. He called me earlier, as promised. We talked for a little while until he decided he should go to sleep so he can be ready for school in the morning. I didn't tell him about my mother leaving me alone again. I didn't want to put it in words. So no, I can't go to his house. Besides, he sounded almost irritated the whole phone call like calling me was a chore he was forced to complete.

Now I lay in my bed with all the lights off and no sound whatsoever. I showered after I got over the shock of my mother walking out the door with no real promise of coming home then I re-bandaged my forehead. Wanting to push the world from my mind for a night, I took two sleeping pills I stole from my father's drawer in the nightstand beside their bed. Normally, I would just deal with the sleeplessness but not tonight; I don't have the strength in me.

***

The next morning I don't wake up to sunshine or to the company of Michael. Instead, I'm welcomed to a new day by dark clouds that no doubt hold rain and an empty spot in the bed next to me. During our phone call last night, I told Michael I was going to go to school today and that I was feeling better. Reluctantly, I make myself crawl from under the covers and push myself into the bathroom. I slowly and painfully brush my teeth and hair then pull the latter into a pony tale. Then I remove the large bandage and replace it with a small band-aid.

Happy with the results, I walk back to my room to get dressed. It's in this short walk that I change my mind on going to school. I'm not really sure why, but I feel the need to get away from the whole town, if just for the day.

I tug on a pair of dark jeans and a warm, tan sweater, knowing that my destination for the day will be chilly. Then I grab my camera and sling my bag over my shoulder then head outside to my mom's car. Once inside, I start the engine, back out of the driveway, and drive the opposite way of school.

Wanting to have a nice day, I turn the radio up and sing along to the songs I know. My chest begins to feel lighter the further to the coast I get. It is my favorite place in the whole world after all.

An hour and a half later I finally see the welcome sign to Portsmouth, New Hampshire. The town is as small as it is historic. My family and I used to make trips here all the time during the warmer summer months and spend a week or two. The population is mainly made up of full-time residents and rarely sees any tourists, which is actually a nice thing. Driving through the streets makes my heart happy. I haven't been here in almost three years.

I park the car at a family run diner, where I know I'll come back to later, and explore the town. Shops line the streets and vendors fill the air with succulent smells of their food.

Leaving downtown, I make my way to the beach and find a place among the rocks. Being on the coast means colder weather. I welcome the cold. I let it soak into my skin and wrap around my bones, causing me to shiver. The sharp air makes me feel more grounded and alive and the salt in the breeze helps me breathe easier. Waves crash against the shoreline and the rocks, hypnotizing my mind. The sound is peaceful and comforting; it reminds me of home for some reason.

Remembering that I brought my camera with me, I break out of my trance and continue walking the shore, snapping a few shots here and there. I get a couple of a family of three walking ahead of me. A child stands between his mother and father, each holding one of the child's hands. Then I'm lucky enough to take a few good ones of the birds struggling against the wind before they're out of range.