The Ramblings Of A Teenage Girl

7-12-16

What the hell is wrong with me? I've spent the last three days just laying here on my floor looking up at my ceiling, I'm in so much pain. I haven't eaten so I'm dizzy and I couldn't stand even if I wanted to, and my cries and sobs, from the first and second day, have turned into small whimpers that escape my lips every so often, and my cheeks are tear stayed and dried for no tears will come from my eyes. This isn't the tear kind of pain it's much worse. It's a paralyzing pain that makes my mind incapable of working, it's the worst pain I've felt in a really long time... I can barely even move my hand to write and I can't see the page as I do so this page is probably covered in scribbles that have no concern for the lines that are supposed to border my thoughts. It's a worse pain than what my dad causes, it's worse because I'm causing it myself. I've been like this for three days because he won't even talk to me anymore, says it just ain't right since he knows how I feel and he don't feel the same, he tried to tell me that it was for the best, that it would save me from the hurt. Well turns out that was a lie because even when we were just talking he was in my life, I knew there would never be anything else between us, but at least he was in my life. No one has come to check on me even though I hear them in the hall at times, and people say that my parents would care if I killed myself, no they wouldn't.
I don't know what to do I don't want to breathe anymore, no one wants me not even death, they say that god helps those who pray to him. I've been praying these past few months, I'm not really sure what I believe in but I thought I'd give it a try, it isn't working. I think I'm going to stop I have better things to do than pray to someone that can't help me, at this point I don't think anyone could help me. I don't even make sense to myself anymore and this hurts too much, why can't it just end?