Assassination Classroom One-Shots (COMPLETE)

A Little Rant About Lemons

If you read the title, you will know that this is a rant about lemons. No not lemons like food, lemons like one-snots or fan fiction that contain, you know, hardcore loving. Now I know you are asking yourself "Why the fuck are you making this chapter Rin?" Well:

Number 1. - The next chapter of this one-shot book will be a yaoi lemon.

Number 2. - I have read so many lemons, it is actually unhealthy. And I have seen some pretty good ones and some pretty shit ones. And even if the one-shot or fan fiction have very detailed intercourse, some of them make no logical sense. They are not possible.

Now you are asking yourself "What do you mean by 'They are not possible'? Well let us take a ship. For example, Sasodei.This is a ship from Naruto, and it means Sasori x Deidara. This is also one of my OTP's, but any way let me explain. For this to make sense, I will change the AU to, lets see, modern.

'Sasori walked into the cafe and there he saw a gorgeous blond drinking coffee. He sat next to him and the two instantly started talking to each other. After they left the cafe they went for a walk in the park. A lot of of stuff happened and then Deidara invited Sasori over. There they started making out, then Sasori picked Deidara up and carried him to the bedroom. There a lot of shit happened. After the intercourse they both fell asleep in each others arms.'

Bitch please! Do you go to the park and bang the first person you see?! No?! Yes?! I do not care, but this is not possible, well if you are not a prostitute. It is like asking a girl you just met to marry you! Jesus! The worst part is that they are not even drunk. If they were drunk, okay, but this makes no sense. I was to lazy to describe everything so i just cut the story short. But you get my point. So if you want me to write a lemon (*cough*First page*cough*) here are some rules of writing a lemon that I would like to stick to, and that YOU should follow to if you are a lemon writer.

1. - The charters will not fuck if they just met. This means that even if the charters have seen each other, but did not talk to one another, there will be no intercourse. Exceptions: they are drunk, one character is raping the other. (BTW I do not write rape.)

2. - I have seen a shit load of 'Lemons' that come to the part where there is sex and then write 'Time Skip'. That my dear readers is a 'lime', not a lemon. A 'lime' is a one-shot or Fan fiction that comes to the part of the sexual intercourse and then stops or skips the part where there is fucking. Got it? Yes? No? Again, I do not care. Search Google for what is a lime if you did not get my explanation. (P.S. i will write lime.If you want me to. If not I will write a lemon.)

3. -  I do not recommend writing one-shots where the characters are from different universes a.k.a anime. Like, for example Sebastian from Black Butler and Annie from Attack on Titan. It will take a shit load of explaining, and the readers will most likely exit the one-shot before the lemon. Now I did not say anything about writing these type of Fan fiction. If you have a lot of free time, then go and write a story about this and only add a lemon after they became lovers. And do not lemons every second or third chapter. Add them, like, every fifth or fourth chapter. Cause people that are in a relationship do not just fuck. It is as simple as that.

4. -Now, do not start a one-shot or Fan fiction with a lemon. That is going to leave the readers wondering how did the couple get there. And if you are writing it like a flashback, make sure to put yourself into the shoes of the character and wonder how they would describe what happened, because I have seen a lot of flashback lemons witch did not fit the characters way of explaining thing, or even talking. 

5. - I have read a lot of lemons which were badly described, but I read a lot of lemons which were way to long and way to described. Like, do not make a lemon to short, but do not make it to long. Make a lemon with around 150-450 words.

6. - Make sure that the story that leads to the lemon is around 500-850 word. That would make the lemon one-shot 1300 words, in the longest example. Now the numbers do not have to be precise. You can make the lemon around 150 words or around 450 words. You can make the story that leads to the lemon around 500 or around 850 words. But do not make the lemon more than 500 and do not make it shorter than 100 words. Same goes for the story that leads to the lemon. Do not make it shorter than 450 words, but do not make it longer than 900 words because the readers will get bored while reading and they wont read the lemon part. So to put it simply, you do not want your one-shot to be longer than 1400 words but do not make it shorter than 650 words, because that is just plain boring.

7. - Now if you are writing a lemon in a Fan fiction, just follow the amount of words the intercourse should have, witch is around 150-450 words. Again it does not have to be precise. Everything else is up to you. Of course, if you are writing a flashback lemon, like I said before, make sure to describe the event with your characters perspective and vocabulary. Do not use the words the character would not know, like a German word coming from a Americans mouth. Of course, if German is in their vocabulary, or they know some or most of German than okay, you can use German words. But you get my point. If it is not in their vocabulary, DO NOT use it.

Oh you are still here? I like you.

That was way too long and it took way to much time. But it was worth it. Now you know something new, well hopefully. if you already knew all this shit, we can be friend, and if not we can still be friends because it would be plain stupid if we could not be friends because friends are there to help one another. Anyhow I will end this nonsense here and set you free. Ciao!

                                                                                                                            Miss_RinLove