Gone

Chapter One

He places a hand on my cheek caressing it with his thumb before leaning in closer to me. Our lips are only a few inches apart and I desperately want him to kiss me. He takes a lock of my hair and pushes it gently behind my ear and then his lips meet mine....

I open my eyes to realize I'm in my room alone in bed, it’s been two years since I've felt his touch, tasted his kiss and longed for him. Sadness and emptiness take over my body and I can't help but to let the tears that sting the brim of my eyes fall onto my pillow soaking the smooth fabric. I miss him, I miss him more than words can explain. Ever since Liam got deployed I’ve had no motivation to do anything but stay in bed and I constantly catch myself thinking about what he might be doing in that exact moment. Every day I check my mailbox in hope to discover a letter from him telling me that he is okay and that he isn’t hurt but when I receive nothing I can’t help but think the worse. It hurts so much to not have him around, I turn to face the alarm on my nightstand and in blinking red lights it reads 5am. I wipe the remaining tears on my face with the back of my hand and reluctantly get out of the comfort of my bed to begin the dreadful day ahead of me. Even though it’s early there’s no point in trying to go back to sleep because I know that I won’t be able to.

Making my way down the hallway I can’t help but let my mind be clouded with memories of Liam, his scent, his smile, his touch and just all the little things that I missed about him. The house we bought a few months before he got deployed now feels vacant, I’m alone. I reach the bathroom and quickly switch on the light, the room instantly becomes brighter within a few seconds. I walk in, the tile is cold beneath my bare feet, I take in the reflection of a downhearted girl in the mirror, and I look terrible. Of course I do, I haven’t been able to sleep well since Liam left, my hair is a tangled mess and dark rings are formed under my eyes from the lack of sleep. I turn on my shower and adjust the temperature until it’s just right. When I finally got it the right temperature I stripped off my pajamas and stepped in. The warm water seems to wash away the sadness but the emptiness still remains. After I finish my shower I reach for a towel and neatly wrap it around my head and then reach for my robe to put it on. As soon as I step out of my shower a breeze from inside sends cold shivers down my semi naked body so I quickly make my way back to my room. From my dresser I pull out a simple grey t-shirt and a pair of jeans, I dress and head back to my bathroom. I unwrap the towel from my head releasing my wet, brown hair the reaches just a little past my shoulders. I begin to brush through the knots, when I can finally run my comb through my hair I leave it to air dry and reach for my makeup bag to apply enough foundation to cover up the darks circles under my tired eyes and hide the evidence from my sleep deprivation. I also apply a thin, line of black eyeliner along my waterline to make me appear more awake, I take a quick glance in the mirror again before walking down stairs. I’m alone as always as I sit down at the table with a fresh cup of coffee in my hands. I take slow slips from my mug and as the warm, sweet liquid runs through my throat I allow myself to think of Liam once again.

“I’ll be gone 3 years this time” he says, by the way he’s looking down at me I know it hurts him to leave as much as it hurts me to have to let him leave. “3 years is such a long time, what am I supposed to do without you?” I question, it was the first time that he had to be gone that long and I honestly had no idea what to expect. “It will pass by before you know it” he try to reassure me but also himself, his arms pull me into a warm embrace and I begin to cry silently in his chest, his army uniform becoming stained with my tears. “Babe please don’t cry, I hate to see you like this before I leave but you know I have no choice, I need to go, you know that I’ll miss you” he whispers into my ear. My heart aches at the thought of having to say goodbye but I know that like he said he has to go, I continue to sob and he runs his hand up and down my back soothingly, he has given up trying to make me stop crying so he lets me continue. “I love you more than anything and I’ll try my best to write you whenever I can”  he says as he pulls away from our embrace, he wipes the drying tears on my cheeks “promise me to stay safe” I plea, he looks down for a quick moment before speaking, “I promise.” His hands make their way up to hold my face and soon his lips meet mine. The kiss is gentle and full of passion but it tastes bitter sweet. Our lips separate even though I don’t want them to, he reaches down and grabs his bags from the ground to place them into the hallow trunk of the taxi. He pulls me back to him, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist and I get on my tippy toes to wrap mine around his neck. He plants a sweet kiss on my neck, “don’t let go” I whisper but he doesn’t hear and pulls away , I step back to watch as he gets in the back seat of the taxi, he waves goodbye as the taxi drives away and disappears out of my sight in a matter of seconds.

My thoughts are interrupted when there’s a knock on my front door. Instantly my heart sinks thinking the worse, every inch of my body over taken by worry. I prepare myself to open the door to a man in uniform holding a flag in his hands telling me Liam is gone. But as I twist the door knob and pull open the door relief replaces the worry, as I see Niall in the door frame.

Niall has been my best friend since as long as I can remember, he’s the only person that knows how I feel. “Its 6am on a Saturday what are you doing here? And how did you know that I would be awake?” I ask him as I step aside to let him in and close the door behind him. “I came to make sure you’re okay and I don’t know I just figured you would be since today is….” He trails off, not finishing his sentence but it doesn’t matter I already know what he was about to say.

 Today out of all days marks me and Liam’s 3 year anniversary. Liam and I had started dating when I was a sophomore in high school after we met at the café where I worked, we later found out that we attended the same high school. He was a junior at the time but when he got to his senior year he graduated early and following his father’s footsteps he joined the army. “I’m fine” I lie, he knows that I’m lying but doesn’t say anything, “have you received any letter from him recently” he asks in almost a whisper. I blink back the tears threatening to escape, I haven’t gotten a letter from Liam in almost 8 months. I nod, “I miss him” I say under my breath in hope that Niall doesn’t hear me but he does, “I know you do Em but he will be back before you know it” He tries his best to comfort me but it’s not working and I’m sad again, his green eyes fill with sympathy. I need Liam, he’s the only one I need and want at my side right now, I know Niall is trying to help me but I just want to be alone today. “Niall I know that you want to cheer me up but I just…I want to be alone” I say softly staring at the wood flooring. “Okay I’ll leave you alone even though I don’t want to but call me if you need me or anything else” he states before he hugs me and turns to leave. “Thanks” I call out before he shuts the door leaving me alone, just like I asked.