Forever and always//Hunter Rowland

Suicide?

I woke up and checked my phone it was  5:34pm dang I slept for 4 hours
Whoops
I went downstairs and Hunter was yelling at Brandon "I don't give a crap okay I freaking love her and I would do anything for her just to see her happy"
All I could think was
Suicide
I didn't cut the corner yet I wanted to hear what they were saying "I know she's like a sister to me I want to see her smile too but what can we do"
Brandon says
"Then we have to think"
I enter the kitchen and Hunter has a big smile "hey how are you feeling"
"Um I'm fine" I say
H-"do you want to go to the mall in like 20 minutes"
T-"uh yeah sure"
H-"cool"
I went upstairs and freshened up  I put on mascara and brushed my hair it was straight so it was easy to go through I put on my adidas and brushed my teeth my nose was red
I have been betrayed by best friend
Is all I was thinking
My head was pounding
Then I started singing because that always takes my mind off things "nothing can come between you and I not even the gods above can separate   The two of us no nothing can come between you and I"
I got interrupted by Ashton and he was recording "really ash" I smirk and roll my eyes "come one sis that was really good"
We left the bathroom and Walked down the stairs "you guys ready" we said to Hunter and Brandon
We headed out to the mall Hunter and I were holding hands and Brandon and ash were behind us
I kept looking at the ground I don't feel good at all
H-"baby what's wrong"
T-" i don't know Hunter I'm thinking a lot my head really hurts"
H-come here
He put his hand on my back and we sat on the curb "Brandon Ashton over there let me talk to her"
T-"listen what ever I say please don't get mad"
H- oh no what's wrong
I can't tell him but I need to
I have to
"I Don't feel right in this world"
Hunter interrupted me "don't say that listen to me I can't lose you I can't I love you"
T-"Hunter I've been thinking a lot lately and I think it's best im not worth it I don't know what's wrong with me"
H-baby come here
He pulled me into a hug and I started crying "it's gonna be fine well get through this"
T-"stop telling my it's gonna be fine it not Hunter I can't handle myself any more"
He's now yelling "don't talk like that please I need you in my life"
We hugged for like 2 minutes and I was still crying
H-"come on let's go back to the house"
He called the boys over and immediately they understood what happened
T-Hunter why am I like this I'm ugly and fat and you don't deserve me
He looked at my body
H-Tatiana there is nobody more beautiful you are perfect
He kissed my hand
We walked back to the house
I went up the stairs with Hunter
Christine says" I thought you guys were going to the mall what happened"
I said "umm we didn't really feel like it"
C-"oh ok "
We walk into the room and Hunter starts kissing my cheek "baby it's gonna alright then he starts singing "life is worth living so live another day"
He sounds so good singing which makes me smile"see there's that cute smile" he pokes both my cheeks in a cute way and smiles
T-"Hunter I'm gonna go take a shower"
H-"ok baby do you need anything"
T-no
I walk to the shower grab a towel and undress I enter the shower I'm standing their thinking about my life
Was it true
I look down at my stomach
I am fat
I'm disgusting
I don't deserved to even have skin
Or a boyfriend
Or even a life
God doesn't make mistakes but here I am
I try not think about it
And then I see a razor I had a flash back to when I lived in Cali a girl at my school used to cut because her parents died and she lived with her grandma
She had a new boyfriend almost every other week and all she would was cut herself one day she made a fresh cut it was all over her leg and I noticed it when she was wearing shorts
I was close with her and I have known her since kindergarten
One day I asked her "um why do you cut "
I could tell the question upset her and so I said "never mind stupid question" and walked away she grabbed my shoulder and said "I'm stressed about a lot and this helps me take me take my mind off things"
I had the razor in my hand now and I was shaking
Should I
I brought it to my wrist
I can't
But it'll help
I closed my eyes
I felt a burn
I opened my eyes there was a cut
WHAT DID I JUST DO
My heart hurts
I feel so wrong
Will Hunter notice
I will cover it
I shut off the shower and got dressed I got out of the bathroom and enters his room  Hunter was sitting on the bed on his phone so I  jumped on him "hey" I pecked his lips he smiled
I remembered my wrist still had the cut
I put it behind my back
his smile faded he sat up "let me see your arm"
T-"what are you talking about "
H-"now"
T-"Hunter nothing's wrong"
H-"then show me your arm
Hunters pov
Something is wrong "let me see now"
I grabbed her wrist
I scanned her arm "no no no Tatiana what did you do WHY"
I started crying "I can't lose you why would you do this"
T- Hunter I don't know what's wrong with me
H-listen your beautiful,amazing,funny,smart,caring
Your perfect you don't need to do this to make urself feel better
I kiss the scar "don't ever do this again"
She starts crying on to my shoulder "I love you more than you could possibly imagine"
We go to sleep wrapped up in each others arms
I kiss her head "I can't lose you baby girl I can't "