the boy next door iwaoi au

nine

trigger warning: much mentions of suicide and depression.

--

"hey tooru, so how are you today?" the therapist, higuri aiko, asked him with a warm smile.

oikawa shrugged his shoulder from his seat. "im good. at least for now, i feel okay, higu-chan." he said, addressing her with 'higu-chan' since the 32 year old therapist thought that it's okay for oikawa to call her that. making her patient feel comfortable talking to her is her main goal anyway.

the therapist nodded quietly at him. "how long since you moved to your new house again?"

"two weeks."

"anything new?" the therapist asked.

"well," oikawa trailed off, "i only tried to commit suicide once these past few weeks so thats a new record." oikawa spoke, no matter how much he wanted to sound natural, oikawa still sounded... bitter and cold.

but aiko was used to oikawa being distant to her. after all, she understands him. he was only a teenager who had been through many hard times throughout his early teenage year, and he was yet to recover from all of that. thats why she was here to help him.

"thats very good then-- how come?" the therapist asked. wanting oikawa to tell her why his suicide attempt have been decreasing and for a good reason; to know what triggered him not too.

oikawa gave her a look as he tilted his head, "you know why.." he sneered.

the therapist smiled knowingly at him, "hajime?"

"iwa-chan." oikawa corrected her sternly with the way he called iwaizumi. "he had been such a great friend since the beginning and i couldn't ask for a better one."

"like megumi?" aiko asked, bringing up a name that made oikawa's chest tightens.

he turned his head down, and bit his lower lip. hands clenching, "n-no.. iwa-chan is nothing like megu-chan.." he uttered in a very low voice.

the therapist furrowed her eyebrows, "and why is that?"

and then oikawa snapped.

"i dont know!" he looked up at her, tears forming in his eyes. "maybe because iwa-chan is honest to me?! maybe because he told me about his sleeping problems? he was open about his nightmare issues?! he was honest about having problems with his dad and how it was being in his family?! maybe because iwa-chan, doesnt keep secrets from me and play all happy outside, only to leave me alone one day, comitting suicide like megu-chan did!" oikawa yelled at the top of his lung, standing up from his seat. he felt his chest burning with anger. he was angry at megumi, his former neighbor and his only friend for leaving him, and he was mad at himself for not knowing the struggle she went through after all those times.

at this point, oikawa was on the verge of breaking. and when he thought he couldn't keep the tears on his eyes anymore, he let the tears stream down his cheeks immediately, breaking into tears.

the therapist watched him as oikawa cried, his face all covered in the palm of his hands. oikawa was sinking back to his chair.

oikawa cried at times during therapy sessions. sometimes because he felt like he was tired of his life, and sometimes it was because of the memory of his dear neighbor who commited suicide.

she was his only friend after all during all those dark times of oikawa's early high school year.

aiko waited until oikawa stopped crying. and after almost six minutes, of just silence and the sound of oikawa's sobs, oikawa was finally able to recomposed himself back to one piece.

"tooru.." aiko called out with a very soft voice, careful enough not to break him.

oikawa wiped his last tear away, some tears were dry on his cheeks. "what?"

"aren't you doing the exact thing megumi did to you?"

her words pierced through oikawa's heart. his eyes widened as he froze and slowly trailed his eyes back at her.

"i know very well you haven't told iwaizumi about any of this, right?" she asked and oikawa turned his head away, refusing to answer her.

she looked at him with pity, "tooru-- i know you feel like this is a way for you to punish yourself after what happened with megumi, but its-"

"this is not," tooru interjected, his voice came out low, "a way for me to punish myself, higu-chan." he said, hands clenching to a fist and not bothering to look at the therapist in the eye.

"tooru.." her voice trailed off.

"i dont want to talk anymore." oikawa said.

"but your session is not done yet"

"then let the time passed. im staying here but i dont want to talk about it anymore." oikawa told her. so as his therapist, aiko did what oikawa wanted, she closed her mouth and turned quiet, only watching oikawa from her chair.

oikawa, on the other hand, was turning his head on an angle so that aiko won't be able to see the look on his face. he knows very well how good aiko is at her job, and he is most certainly won't let aiko reached out to him for now.

not to be wrong, oikawa liked aiko. despite his attitude towards her, oikawa actually found aiko helpful. but right now, he didnt want aiko to reach out to him, because he was angry, he was angry at megumi and he was angry at himself, and if aiko tried to reach out to him, he knows very well he'll get angry at her too, and he didnt want that.

it was 10 minutes before their session is over, and aiko thought, that the time is just enough for her to finally speak again.

"tooru.." she called out to him, and after a while, oikawa finally turned his head to look at her. "i know you think you dont deserve to have a genuine friend, like hajime right after what happened with megumi. but please, dont let it be the reason for you to hide what is really going on with you from him, because if you truly love him, you should have known that one day, he'll feel the same way you feel about how megumi lied to you."

oikawa finally decided to let his heart opened for her words as he hung his head low. he thought about it wisely and quietly on his seat. "higu-chan thinks i should tell iwa-chan about me being suicidal?" oikawa asked, lifting his head up to meet aiko in the eyes.

"step by step. maybe not too soon about everything, because i know how hard it must be. but at least, try to be more open with him. maybe he can be the one who'll finally be able to reach you. because in my opinion, that is the only way you will be able to finally move on from megumi's death, and your guilt for her suicide too."