51 Bastards and Counting

Don't Say 1812: Part 1

Fact: The White House burnt down by Canadian soldiers during the War of 1812 (in 1814).
 

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     Rioting, fighting, cursing, and  shouting, erupted from America's backyard. Tables and chairs, assorted meats and cheeses, napkins and utensils, melted ice cream and birthday cake littered the ground.  This huge show of a commotion took place beneath the booms and flashes of fireworks in the sky on the night between July 2nd and 3rd. But, this wasn't an abnormal scene for this hot headed troupe, these string of events happened every year on this very night (or whenever everyone is together, which doesn't happen often for safety reasons). Whether it be cousin on cousin or sibling on sibling attacking one another, the atmosphere is beef for personal, political, or patriotic reasons, the children of the North American Twins, Canada and America, can never seem to be anywhere together without fighting (which is a pain in the ass for holidays).

     America and Canada sat on the back porch of the house where their joint birthday barbecue was being held, watching the annual scene that played out in front of them.

     "Why does someone always have to mention 1812? "Canada asked exhaustively.

     "I don't know, dude, "America answered, "it's like they want to fight whenever they're together, because they know that 1812 is the trigger, someone always says it. "

     "So, why do we even bother anymore? We all know what will happen. " Canada said gesturing to the scene in front of him.

     Alfred smirked and placed his hand on his brother's shoulder.  "We try every year because you're my brother and I like celebrating our birthday together. Anyway, it's nice having the family altogether, they miss each other," just as America finished his statement, Louisiana was seen in front of the twins yelling at Quebec in  French and trying to choke him with Mardi Gras beads.

     "You call that missing each other?" Canada said sarcastically, America wisely kept quiet. Canada continued talking, "you say you like having the whole family together, why not invite France and England? "

     America answered immediately, "France would ruin everything by bringing Spain and Prussia along, who will bring the rest of the world, and England is just a sourpuss, party pooper, stick in the mud this time of year. "

     "See! " Canada exclaimed, "you put in all that effort to keep those two out of it, why can't we just celebrate our birthday on the official days separately and on this in between day,  you and I can go out for a quiet, peaceful dinner. "

     "I don't know... I guess it's because I don't like giving up," Alfred punched Matthew's arm which caused the Canadian to flinch. "Especially on my family."

     "What a family we have right Koomijoomi," Canada muttered to his polar bear.

     "Who are you?" Kumajiro asked his master.

     "Oh..." Sighed a disappointed Canada, "I'm-"

     The backdoor behind the twins swung open and a heavily accented French voice, "He is Canada you silly bear".

     The twins turned around in awe and a startled Alfred pushed his drooping glasses to the bridge of his nose, while his brother grasped Kumajiro tightly and gulped.

     The flamboyant Frenchman, Francis or better known to his sons as papa. Waltzed onto the porch and embraced his two children, "Mes enfants, oh have I missed you so," Francis pinched Canada's checks and chided his former territory, " You look pale, I told you to stop with the maple syrup! And Alfred!"