Bad Blood || K. Jongin

20| I Wont Fight It

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(Jongin)

Frustration, anger. Sadness.

I slump down on the couch after Lyra leaves my side, my body still aching in every single joint.

I run my hands through my hair, resting my elbows on my knees. My head feels like it's going to explode.

A revolution? The thought seemed so far out of reach, so impossible. There would be so much bloodshed, is it even worth it? I know for a fact that Sunghoon is just as crazy and deranged as my uncle.

But I want to take him down myself. Nobody can do that except me, so maybe helping them wouldn't be so bad after all.

I shuffle around in my pocket for a brief second, before pulling out the card Minseok gave me at the store. Should I call it?

I remember trusting that man back in the day. I still trust him, and if he thinks we have a chance we most likely do.

I know I should talk to Lyra first. But I know I hurt her from what I said.

I sigh deeply and tuck the card away. Ill know when the time will come.

I have to sort out my feelings first, I have to sort out whatever I have with Lyra.

A pretty foreign girl that I dropped everything for. Why? Why was it her that caused me to break? I squeeze my eyes shut. I've never loved anything in my life, I was taught to love nothing, and be nothing. I don't deserve any of her love.

She's everything and better.

And for some reason a memory flashes through my mind as I study her features.

Im brought back to the first time I saw her.

The night everything changed.

Even though I was the enemy, even though she was supposed to be afraid of me. She wasn't. She trusted me with the little hope she had. Why was that? How come Lyra doesn't blame me for anything?

Is it because she loves me?

Utterly confused of my emotions, I can't seem to stop myself from opening the door where she slept.

I hear her breathing softly, but hard enough to know that she's asleep. She sleeps so peacefully despite everything she has been through. And all because of me.

Quietly, I shuffle towards the bed and sit down. The mattress divots but doesn't wake her from her slumber.

Whether she is faking it or not, I don't care.

I find myself staring at her for a long time, studying her features, admiring every single one.

Why do I like her so much? Why do I feel the need to protect her?

I've seen many pretty girls come through, most of them around her age. But when I saw her, I just knew.

Is it fate?

How can someone like me, protect someone like her? How can someone like her have feelings for me? My life is dangerous, just my very existence is dangerous.

An overwhelming amount of questions race through my head. All I can seem to do is think of more questions, and come up with no answers.

Confused, I feel my eyes start to water, my gaze falling to the floor.

Lyra shifts on the bed, turning to face me with a tired expression. My heart melts at the sight of her smiling.

"I thought you wouldn't be happy to see me." I admit, taking a bold step to reach out and tuck some loose strands behind her ear.

She closes her eyes at my touch, but a grimace soon elopes her face, she can tell something is wrong. Lyra studies me briefly before scooting closer to me. "Jongin, are you alright?"

"Im good." I blink the confusion away and straighten my posture. "I was just thinking."

Her voice soothes me farther with each word. "About?"

I retract my hands and set them in my lap. "Us." I pause. "The revolution."

"You want to help don't you." She whispers, her eyes darkening.

I nod, biting my lip. I want to tell her everything.

Lyra sits up, the covers falling away. She's just in her bra.

My cheeks burn at the sight, and I awkwardly glance away. Why am I acting like a child? I've already seen her bare, why is it such a big deal?

But the girl doesn't seem to notice, her gaze far away as she fidgets with her hands.

She looks so innocent. She seems so normal and unharmed. She's beautiful.

"Let me help." Lyra tries to ask, but her tone makes it seem more like a demand.

I look back at her. Every fiber in my being wanted to shout 'No! You'll die!' But we both knew she wouldn't have listened either way. Her mind is already set.

I nod reluctantly, almost choking on my words as her face lights up. "I.."

She presses her lips against mine before I can utter another word. "Jongin.." She breathes after we exchange a few, long, sloppy makeup kisses. "I won't leave you. Let me be here for you.."

Hearing her sweet voice, feeling her hot breath fan against my neck, would have convinced me of any other request. But it's the sincerity in her tone that causes me to falter. I pull back slightly, her eyes are filled with genuine concern. She's truly worried about me.

"Its.. its hard, Lyra." My voice wavers. "Im so different, you wouldn't understand. I don't want you to understand this life.. I want you to stay innocent, with no worries-"

Her arms curl around my torso. "Please let me understand." She sniffs, nuzzling my chest with a sense of need. "Please let me understand the person in front of me."

I sink into her embrace, wanting to feel her touch me like she did before. My whole body ached for her love.

"Please let me help you."

She will die.

You have to protect her.

"Okay." I breathe, eyes widening slightly as I realize how badly I contradicted myself.

Her cheeks are tinted pink in embarrassment from the solicitous exchange of words. "Thank you." She whispers, her gaze flickering down to my lips.

If I can't protect her forever, let me at least protect and cherish her now.

Lyra moans as my hands slide around her waist, pulling her onto my lap and as close to me as possible.

She stares deeply into my eyes, her soft, precious, hands cupping my face lovingly. "Jongin..." She falters, but just hearing my name leave her mouth sets a fire ablaze. "I think i'm in love with you."

My breath catches in my throat.

I love her too.

That's what this feeling is.

But before I can say it back, she connects her lips back on mine. Lyra straddles me faster than I could've imagined.

Her kisses deepen under my touch, my grip tightens and I half expect her to stop me, but she doesn't.

Instead, the most beautiful girl in the world lifts my shirt over my head and tosses it aside.

"Please love me Jongin.." She pants and unclasps her bra, her eyes twinkling with lust.

She starts to rock back and fourth on my lap, and I can feel myself coming undone under her perfect, blissful movements.

I close my eyes, utterly speechless, every fiber in my being screams out for more.

"Lyra..." I manage to choke out.

Does she really want me as much as I want her?