Tattoos

Funerals

The next few days didn't seem real.

Lukes family had been making funeral plans, normal things you do when someone dies.

However I couldn't even get out of bed. At the same time, I couldn't sleep. When I closed by eyes and tried to sleep, I'd fall apart, and find it hard to breathe.

No one tried to go in his room. It was too painful. The thing is, everyone dies. But what counts is how. None of Luke's family or friends had a chance to say goodbye. When someone is terminally ill, you at least get a chance to accept it, and let go.

Luke was just ripped away. He didn't need the dreams he left behind, or any of the wishes he'd ever made.

Some days, I wish that I could wake up with amnesia. However if I forgot all the stupid little things, I'd forget him. I don't want to forget one of the single most important people I'd ever have in my life. Luke, Cal, Ash, my parents, and my lover were my top priorities. Now I only have five people to stress about.

As much as I hate to say it, when I finally got over my hatred for the blonde, I had kind of hoped he would be my spouse. He was bubbly and charismatic, and even though he only had about three facial expressions, he was cute.

Then he turned twelve, and there was an undeniable dissapointment in my chest. Only now I can't help but ache for whoever his mate was. Luke was amazing, and it would have been a privilege to love him, and be loved by him.

He was one of those guys who put everyone before him. No matter what Luke was going through, he wanted everyone to be happy. Now, he's the reason everyone's sad.

Sometimes Ashton and Calum will come sit with me. We never talk, we just sit. Well, I lay, face down with silent tears streaming down my face. Ash and Cal weren't nearly as close to Luke as I was. They still cry, and I'm fully aware they're upset, but they were able to pull themselves together much easier than I could.

I had never felt like this before. Like someone ripped my heart out and tore it in half, but felt bad and tried to put it back.

I had been thinking, though. That's all I seemed to do in this state- think.

Luke's parents bought a plot at a local cemetery. One I was familiar with. So I emailed them and informed them I wanted the plot next to Luke Hemmings. No matter what, I would be buried next to my best friend. No one knew about this. Only me. But that's how I wanted it.

The funeral would consist of Calum, Ash, Luke's mother, father, brothers, a few of his more distant relatives, and a cousin whom he was very close to as a child. I believe this cousin was bringing someone along for moral support, as well. Of course, the boys and I would be accompanied by our parents. They raised Luke almost as much as Liz and Andrew.

I would be speaking, along with Luke's father, and older brother Jack.

I honestly hadn't planned anything. I shouldn't have to. I was just ready to get it over with. I rolled out of bed, my limbs aching from lack of use. As I got to the bathroom, I passed Luke's shut door. The flow of tears picked back up, and i had a feeling theyd be here a while.

I didn't look at myself in the mirror, the reflection would have only made me feel worse. I simply stepped into the shower, not waiting for the water to heat up. The five seconds between the freezing cold and fiery hot water didn't phase me.

I lazily washed myself, stepping out and drying off soon after. I walked to my closet and pulled out a suit I bought a while back for a wedding I attended with Luke. We actually got matching suits, his with a bowtie and mine with a regular one.

After getting dressed, I grabbed my keys and walked out the door. I made sure it was locked before making my way to my car. I pulled out, turning the radio on and nearly screaming when hearing the opening to 'Goner'. As sad as it made me, though, I just couldn't turn it off. So I started the five minute drive with tears in my eyes and on my cheeks. I got to the funeral home a little sooner than expected, but I may have been speeding. I just sat with my head on the steering wheel.

I cursed loudly and ripped my key out of the egnition when 'Black' by Pearl Jam came on. I stumbled out of the car and made my way inside. The first person I saw was Liz. Her bloodshot eyes met mine almost instantly. Tears fell more frequently as she opened her arms, implying that I hug her. I complied and ran over only to collapse in her hold. She shushed me and rubbed soothing circles into my back as I sobbed into the crook of her neck. Seeing her just made it more real. I was out of tears, so I was not just releasing little cries.

Before I knew it, she was leading me to a seat and sitting me down. I look up and see Andrew at the podium next to Lukes open casket. I'm not sure I'll be able to look. I didn't pay any attention. I only played with my fingers until I felt someone nudge me. I look up and realize it's my turn to speak.

I stand up, and approach the podium, not looking into the wooden box next to me.

"Hi. Uh, well. Luke was probably the second most important person to me. I hated him until a few weeks before his twelfth birthday. But I remember at some point in those few weeks thinking that I wouldn't mind if his tattoo matched mine." I continued speaking about Luke and I's relationship, and was done in about three minutes.

After I was done speaking, I began making my way towards my seat when I saw an arm in the back. Was it really? I quickly turned around and made my way towards what remained of Luke. He looked so peaceful. Tears sprung to my eyes as I grabbed his heavy arm, pushing his sleeve up. Then I knew that I had in fact seen correctly.

A skateboarding stick figure, one exactly like Luke's.

unedited. do I ever? gla. anyways, I had to rush the ending of this chapter sorry. juicy shit coming up. well not really.

anyways, those song references. kms.
-sexualisingclifford

okay so now that I'm able to upload this chapter, can I just say how annoying this summer work is? fuck me man omg.

oh god Marilyn Manson is on this actually scares me a little