twilight

{19} colour

{11th July 2016: 11:09pm}

You are everything at once, and you make me feel like a spectrum of some sort. You are colours and shades and darkness and light. I am nothing, but you are everything, and that makes me become something.

There is meant to be a line between dreams and reality, a place where you see that colours hide the pain and that pain hides the colours, a place where it is okay to be colourful and in pain and everything and nothing all at once. But if there is a line, then I can't see it, and if I can't see something as simple as a line, a point, a place, then what's the point in seeing at all?

And now I'm stuck in this black hole, this state of emptiness and darkness; and I begin to wonder about everything that has happened and everything that is going to happen and whether everything is meant to happen or if it is up to our own choices, our own needs and wants and feelings and thoughts.

So I am trapped in a vortex, a spiral of darkness, and I can't decide whether I want to face the spectrum or become buried beneath it.

It's not easy being alive, trying to survive. It's not easy dying, either. You need courage to do both, just in different ways; I haven't figured out what kind of courage I was born with, or how to use it. I don't exactly have the time, not anymore.

They say you have a choice; but do you really? You can't run away from your demons when they're inside of you. I'm afraid of the demons. I'm afraid of me.

All I'm hearing is words and sighs and screams. They reflect and bounce off everything I see, and, eventually, they fade. Into the sky, into the stars, into some better universe.

A spectrum never ends; it's a circle, a spiral, a clock. All the colours fade into each other, all the colours fade into one, when there is nothing left but light and white and it's too bright! It's too bright and I can't take anymore of it and it's too bright.

We are all birds, trees, waves, stars. We are all existing and we are all dying. We are all infinite and we are all just a small speck in this pigment we never see. We are all smiling and we are all crying and we are all dying.

It takes courage to choose when we become a part of the birds, the trees, the waves, the stars. It takes courage and I am in pieces.

I am in pieces but it takes courage.

You are the gold, flooding, and I am the grey, shadowed and bold.

//VOTE//COMMENT//SMILE//

Inspired by All The Bright Places by Jennifer Niven (sobs)