The Many Faces of Love

Asher (The Unexpected)

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

Keeping My Head Held High. 

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

For all the support from friends, family, and strangers alike. It really helps knowing at any moment I'm going to break down; I can go to any of you.

I've cried non-stop for 2 days straight. My heart was ripped straight out of my chest. But I cannot forget that I AM amazing, unlike what he said. I cannot forget, I AM a great lover, like she said. I cannot forget that I am going to be OKAY.

I will be able to get through this, and I will become stronger because of him. I never needed him. I only wanted him; No, not for his money, like he seems to believe. Because, contrary to popular belief, none of that money went to me.

But he will realize when I'm not there...he has no money left...and that I did such an amazing job of always making sure he balanced that so he did have money left.

He will realize after countless nights binge drinking, chain smoking, and fucking random girls that no one will ever care for him like I did. No one will ever love him the way I did. Because when I love, I give my whole heart and soul.

The next person to get this...will have to jump through hoops and walk mountains. I will not give it away so easily again. But the next person to actually experience the love I can give them will be forever changed for the better.

I am one of the most AMAZING, RELIABLE, RESPONSIBLE, TRUSTWORTHY people I know. I am not creepy. And although he continues to tell me he stopped loving me when I became creepy....there's a huge problem there.

When someone contradicts exactly what they do to you. Yep, he checked my MySpace accounts. Yep, he checked my email. Yep, he searched through my phone; Got pissed at me when guys would talk to me on aim or MySpace or text. So, I'm sorry, you're a hypocrite. And don't you EVER forget it.

My parents are shocked, confused, and even ashamed. They actually cared for Asher, and seeing how much he hurt me...hurt them. My mom wants to even talk to him, see how he could be so heartless and cruel to me. My dad is calling every day to make sure I am okay. They are a wonderful support system. And I was embarrassed. I didn't want my dad to be let down by me, because after Carson---Asher is the next monster. My dad said he would never be disappointed in me. And will help me with anything I need. God, my parents are amazing.

My friends all remind me that I treated Asher way better than he ever deserved. He fucked up multiple times and I still forgave him and opened my heart back up. They say that is an amazing quality of mine. Everyone knows I took care of him for a year, and agree that I did so much for him, he should be thankful...not bitter. And for him to ever think that he did so much more for me, makes everyone laugh. Most of these people were there to see what I did...to see what he put me through. They know I deserve the best. I deserve someone who will love me fully and give me the 110% like I give them.

I know he will regret it. They all have and do; EVERY SINGLE ONE. So, yeah, I guess I AM pretty damn special. He probably won’t ever admit it. And that's fine. I can live with that…Just as long as it hits him like a ton of bricks that I was there through everything for him; that I did so fucking much for him; that I always put him before myself. That I always thought about him. He always says it's about me....yet everyone knows it's NEVER been about me. But now it is. You fuck with me, you lose everything. And that's what he did. He lost it all; to be "happy" as he says. But it's a fake, temporary happiness that will diminish the moment he lands his ass back in Iraq. And then he'll have so much time to think, he will realize. He threw away the one person who was always there; the one person who always cared; and the one person who loved him more than life itself. He threw away his family.