Clothed in our grief

Chapter Thirty Six

  "Hush little baby don't say a word, sisters gonna shoot you a Robin bird." You mumbled softly, slowly rocking your steps back and forth. The warm bundle of light grey and soft pink in your arms, staring down with half lidded and tired eyes down at the sleeping infant in your arms.

"And if that weak Robin won't sing, Sister's gonna buy you an emerald ring." You said softly, humming the tune as the lights flickered above you, standing in the center of the room. Flies buzzing from the couch, and the smell of rotting flesh making it's way to your nose.

"And if the emerald has no shine, Sister's gonna buy you a crystal chime." The buzzing gets louder, and you can feel warm drops of something that smells metallic dripping from the ceiling, onto the top of your head. Laura starts to fuss in your arms, your grip on her goes tighter. The warm liquid, you can feel it pooling on top of your head. Until you feel it dripping over your forehead, thick warm droplets and a steady stream of red is running down the bridge of your nose at this point. The light is long gone out, but the wiring is still flickering.

"And if that crystal chime is broke, sisters gonna give you an entire goat." You're muttering, eyes widening while your fingers clutch tightly around the blanket holding your baby sister. She's fussing louder now, tears streaming down her face. Cheeks and forehead are bright red. She's got snot bubbling from her nose.

"And if your brand new goat's just a dud, sisters gonna spill for you all of it's blood." Laura's screaming now, shrieking and crying loudly. You're holding onto her tighter, shoving your fingernails through the fabric of the blanket and digging them into her arms. Holding her still, but you can feel her struggling to move them away. She's just an infant, no more than a day old.

There's a subtle thumping sound that feels like it's in the distance, and you're no longer singing a lullaby to her. Just staring at her, with wide open eyes. Blood dripping down your forehead and dropping off of the tip of your nose. Leaving small red splotches and dots of blood on her forehead. This goes on for a while, and the steady rhythmic pulsing in the background only gets louder as more blood starts to drip off of the tip of your nose onto her forehead. Until it's pooling down either side of her head, down to her ears.

She's screaming loudly, kicking her stubby little feet around and wailing loudly. The sound of flies becomes less loud, the sound of the flickering light seems to die down a bit. And the pulsing sound of beating just becomes louder and louder, closer and closer.

You can't hear her screaming anymore, shrieking like an infant calling for it's mother. You can't hear her, you can see her. Mouth opening wide and tears running down her eyes. Shutting them out of fear, snot everywhere. Drool coming down her chin.

You look up from the baby straight on ahead, out the window. You're standing in the middle of the living room, in front of you is a TV playing nothing but black and white fuzzing static. But you can't hear it. Only the sound of a heartbeat getting louder and louder. Like it's your own, bumping and beating in your own ears.

Behind the Tv isn't a wall, but a glass panel. Showing you a clear view of what's right outside.

Two little girls. One of them has long black hair, curled in loose strands of shiny black. She's wearing a knee length blue plaid dress. It looks like an overall dress, with a white ruffled short sleeved T-shirt on under it. Ankle socks with white lace ruffle around them, and black simple mary jane shoes. The strap just maybe a little too loose around the top of her foot.

The second one is you. Short (h/c) hair in it's natural (h/t) state. Your large bug eye (e/c) eyes filled with excitement and fun. A smile spread wide over your features, baby teeth showing. One of your front teeth is missing, and the sound of laughter isn't something you can hear but you see it in your face.