I look about my surroundings and I feel a warm glow inside me, raging. Life simply cannot exist with out having a purpose to it. We were all put here to figure out who we are. What are we supposed to do with the gifts we have? How are we supposed to make an impact in other peoples lives? As a young adult I don't know why I'm here or who I'm supposed to be inspiring, but just because I don't know doesn't mean I can just give up and say "I'm out" and be done with it, it means I try harder. I live for other people. I make the most of what I know and I go with it. When I stand here in this field of nothing but filled with everything I know exactly why I'm here and what I'm supposed to do, and it brings joy to my heart. This allows me to express who I am, without the fear of people judging me.
"It's like a dream.." I whisper and smile to myself.
"Fay hurry you need to run now!" Who is that and why are they disrupting my peace? "Fay please!"
I wake up from my sleep a smile on my face, but then a frown overcomes my expression when I realize I was disrupted.
"Fay come on hun you need to hurry now!" Someone says and grabs my arm and hurling me out of my comfortable position.
"what's going on? And why can't you leave me alone?!" I say in an annoyed manner.
"The house is on fire! Now let's go!" I look up and see my mother with a dreary look on her face. She looks so tired and heartbroken. "We have to go now!" I nod and she helps me get my crutches, and run out the door.
Finally the firemen came and put out the fire but the house is gone completely burned down. Strangely I'm still confused on how it started and where we are going to go.
I do the only thing I feel is okay to do at the moment. Taking out my phone, I made sure to grab it right before we were out of my bedroom door, I walk away from all the chaos and near the end of the driveway.
The phone rings and a husky voice takes over the loud ringing.
"Hello..?"
"Hey.. It's me"
"So tell me again what happened?"
"I don't know, I was dreaming about puppies and mountains of ice cream! Then my mom was shaking me practically screaming for me to wake up and the fire fighters came and the whole place was burnt to a crisp" I told him for a third time. "I don't even know why I called you.." I muttered to myself, but I guess he heard it because the next thing he said filled my entire being with rage.
"I'd like to think it's because you still love me" I can practically hear the smirk he is pulling even without looking at him.
"Listen here I didn't call you because I'm a lost puppy and I miss you and all that, I called you because I needed someone to talk to, a friend if you will, I am not implying you're my friend because you aren't but since everything that has happened I really haven't had time to make friends besides my therapist but she's old and probably asleep. In fact I'm going to hang up with you and call her because you are being so rude to me!" Letting out my anger oddly pleases my soul . Ranting is a specialty of mine I have come to know and love. I know he knows I'm furious with him because I hear nothing; not words, not even breathing. Almost hitting the end button I heard his voice frantically say wait, and then a long pause, and then he sighed and began to speak.
"I'm sorry, I'm actually glad you called me and not some therapist this whole thing between us is messed up and I've missed you," Of course he's missed me. He would say anything to get me back.. "but I guess it just came out as being cocky, I'm sorry Fay." He sounds sincere and genuine and I think about weather he's lying through his teeth or being honest.
"Okay I'll stay but can we not talk? I don't feel like talking."
"Yeah" he replies.
I guess I fell asleep on the driveway because I awoke to Josh's headlights staring at me. I assist myself up and walk over to his side of the truck.
"Good morning.." He says with a smile. I look at him like he's a strange creep. I'm really not function able in the mornings.
"Hey hop in and we will go get breakfast." I question myself on wether or not to go with him, but then I feel and hear my stomach turning over telling me it's going to shiver up like a prune pretty soon. I look back down my driveway and I see my brother holding my mom in his arms trying to comfort her, while she just stares at the house. I turn my focus back to josh, staring at him for a few seconds before saying yes, and that I'm not going to tell my mom, she would throw a fit. He agrees and I walk to the other side of the truck and get in. Watching my family as we drive off I see my mothers head lean back and look at the sky tears probably rolling down her face. I'm not sad that this happen nor am I happy either. I'm content in the moment and I'm fine with that. I don't want to be sad I've been sad to much; I've cried to much I never thought I would get a break from crying. The ride to the restaurant was silent and quick I was engulfed in my own mind, not thinking about saying anything. We parked right in front of the doors and I realized I'm still in my night clothes and I smell of ash.
"Josh I can't go in there" I say with furrowed eye brows and pointing to the fast food joint.
"Why? You look fine." His monotoned voice made me want to kick his leg.
"No I don't. Plus I smell like ash!"
"Really you look fine. But if you want here are some pants and some of my cologne" he said tossing the pants but handing the cologne to me like it is a small child.
After breakfast josh and I talked for almost an hour, probably making the waiters mad that we were taking up a table for such a long time. It was good that we talked, it grew us together and made us a tiny bit closer without realizing it.
"Okay so listen, I know when I heard what you did I got so angry and I stepped out of your life... But I'm here now, I'm not saying we will be close like that again but rather just friends. My point is I'm sorry If I hurt you for walking out like that," telling Josh how I feel is a big reliever off my chest, like I can breath now.
"Well I'm glad we can be friends Fay but I can't be just friends..."
Hearing those words fall out of his mouth in such a sad tone pained me.
