Why I wasn't meant for you

Chapter 1 

A cluttered desk, a cluttered mind, books lying around the room, my laptop staring at the messiness of the surrounding, and most specially, a cup of coffee to complete the hell week vibe. Summer is so near yet so far. Summer, summer, summer. Summer is all I could ever think about. Misery sure loves company.

I have been staring at the clock for so long while taking a sip of my coffee that I almost forgot I was actually reviewing for my exams tomorrow. Mathematics and Biology. The subjects that almost all students certainly love oh so dearly. Caffeine has been my friend roughly for two weeks already. I actually think I bleed caffeine now. Who knows?

Studying for exams sure is hard when summer is coming. Swimming, bathing, laughing with your friends and chugging your favorite soda, shake, or juice under the hot sunny sky. Sleepless nights not because of studying but because of partying all night with the people you enjoy being with. The thought of actually being in those moments tempts me to ditch all of my exams for tomorrow. But I have to force myself not to. I’m in college now and everything is different. Commitment is a must for my future.

I look around the room and see my roommate hitting the sack. For almost a year of living in this dormitory, I still get jealous of her. It seems like hell week is never in her vocabulary. She never sleeps past midnight, unlike me who is on the verge of becoming a vampire.

My phone starts ringing. Who could it be?

Oh. It’s Matt.

“Hey Lex, glad to know you’re still awake.” Matt says.

“Being awake is my only choice nowadays you know.” I whisper in order to not distract Emily from her sleep.

“Why are you whispering?”

“Roommate’s asleep, and I’m jealous.”

“Ditto.” He manages a laugh.

“Why’d you call by the way? Missed me much?”

“Sure I do, Alex.” He laughs in his own sarcasm. “Was having a study break. Just checking for some company. And luckily, I am not the only one who’s dying.”

We talk and talk and talk for a couple of minutes until Matt decides to go back to studying. He always does that. Looking for company when he’s in grief. And I’m always the first one on his list of possible people in misery ever since.

Matt and I met when we were still kids. It’s like we have been friends since forever. We have been to the same school since grade school until now. He’s the brother I never had. The ultimate best friend anyone would be thankful for. And although some people would think otherwise about our relationship, I can totally prove them wrong because one, he’s not in love with me, two, he’s seeing someone, and three, just refer to the first two. I am glad to say that our friendship is not like one of those cliché stories where two best friends turn into lovers in the end. Nah-uh. Not us.

I look at the clock. It says 2:30, AM that is. I count the pages left on my Biology textbook and gladly, there are only 5 pages left until I can finally drift off. My exam starts later at 8:30 to 10:30 and then Mathematics at 1:00 to 3:00PM. Glad that there’s a two and half hour break before the other subject. In that case, I can still use the time to review for the next exam.

There really is a big difference between college and high school. I used to stay at my grandparents before. Now, I live in this dormitory exclusive for girls near our university. Though I still go home to my grandparents’ during holidays or weekends.

The first week was I think the hardest. I have cried myself for a couple of nights to sleep. I was not used to being away from my grandma and grandpa. Thank God for Matt. He was there to help me get rid of the homesickness that I’ve felt. It was hard for me to make new friends in our class and around the campus in general. I was a loner at first, and God knows how I am not used to being alone. I missed my friends back in my hometown. In the long run, thankfully, I made friends with some of the amazing people around the campus, plus my roommate. Or not. I couldn’t really figure out our status. One moment she’s talking to me, and then the next, she’s ignoring me.