Why I wasn't meant for you

CHAPTER 2

Chapter 2

“Alex!” Grandma cries as I get off Matt’s car. Grandpa is behind her by the door standing, looking really happy as he sees me. He then walks towards the car as soon as grandma approached me.

“Oh, Alex.” Grandma hugs me real tight. “I missed you so much.”

“Grandma, I can’t breathe.” I tell her and she just laughs. “I missed you too. And grandpa.”

I turn to look at grandpa who is now helping Matt with my baggage. For someone his age, my grandpa is still pretty strong.

Grandma has been smiling since we arrived. God, I missed them so much.

“I think that’d be all.” Matt says after putting down the last bag I brought. He closes the trunk of his car.

“Let’s go inside then,” Grandma gestures at Matt. “I made some dinner.”

“Oh, no thank you Mrs. Ferrars.” Matt wavers instantly. “I’m sure mom had already made dinner.”

“Oh, okay then. Be careful on your way home.”

“I will, Mrs. Ferrars.” Matt smiles at grandma. “I better get going now.”

“Thanks for the ride, Matt.”

“Anytime.” He waves good-bye at us before he heads inside his car.

Grandma walks me inside the house as soon as Matt’s car starts to leave and grandpa carries my things.

 *        *        *        *        *

The clock says 8 in the evening. Perfect time for dinner. We all stay in the dining room. Grandma arranges the table for dinner as grandpa and I talk about the things that happened to me in college for the past months. I’m not sure when to exactly tell them about my conversation with mom earlier this morning. Before dinner? After dinner? I just couldn’t afford ruin this perfect night. This almost perfect day. I’m not even sure if they already know about it. I couldn’t tell if something’s hidden underneath those perfect smiles. 

“Dinner is ready,” grandma says as she turns to me. “It’s your favorite meal, Alex.”

Sure it is. Grandma knows me too well.

We eat quietly at first. No one dares to start a conversation. I wonder what’s on their mind.

“So,” Grandpa starts to break the silence. “Has your mom called yet?”

Grandma looks at him and then slowly turns to me. They knew.

I couldn’t find the right word to start my response.

“Well. . .” I am uneasy. I don’t even know why. “Yes, she called me this morning.”

“Glad to hear that she did.”

“What?” I sound confused. How is my grandpa glad about the fact that my mom called and forced me to spend the whole summer with her? With them?

“Excuse me?” Grandpa sure is muddled with how I reacted as well.

“I’m sorry, grandpa,” I try to sound gentle as possible. “it’s just that, I’d rather spend summer with you and grandma than to be with them.”

My family issues are getting worse. Well you can’t blame me. I grew up with my grandparents because the people I call my family didn’t want me in their lives. They left me since I was a kid. They chose not to be with me as I grew up. And it hurts so badly. When I was little, they used to go home here once in a blue moon. Every time they leave, they would promise me that they would finally take me with them when they come back again. So I would ready my things every day with hopes within me in case they ever come back. But they never did. They’ve broken their only promise. They have broken my heart.

“Alex,” Grandma sounds earnest. “I thought you have been waiting for this moment?”

My grandma seems to not understand. It’s a little too late. I’m not a kid anymore. Everything’s different. I now understand things that I haven’t before. They could have started thinking of spending time with me years ago. And to add insult to the injury, they only want to spend one summer with me! Two and a half months of catching up is never enough. God, I hate them.

“Your parents have waited for this moment as well, Alex.” Grandma continues.

“And they’ve only thought about it now.” I say with a straight face.

“Alex, remember what we’ve told you?” Sincerely, my grandma asks me. “That someday, you’ll fully understand why they’ve done those things. Why they left you here with us. The right time will come. And this might be it.”

"Grandma,” I look at grandma first, then grandpa. Grandma holds my hand as she’s sitting just next to me.

“Try to understand your parents, Alex. They’re doing everything for you. You might not understand right now, but someday you will. You will.” She explains.

The problem is, I do. I do understand. I know why they never wanted to be with me. They’ve taken me for granted. Their child. Their only child. Isn’t that enough to explain things?

 *        *        *        *        *

I might have cried myself to sleep the other night after dinner. Grandma made sure she comforted me until I fell asleep. We talked a little. Explained things to me a little. And maybe, I took things into consideration a little.

I haven’t cried in front of my grandparents before, ever. Well, I guess there’s always a first time for everything. Here I am, a day later, packing up my things again. The feeling is so nostalgic. I remembered my eight-year-old self, doing the same thing for almost every day, in this very same room. But this time, it’s for real. I’m spending summer with the people I barely know. With the people who barely knows me.