The I In Lie [Phan]

Chapter Five

CHAPTER FIVE
Dan didn't return to the flat for the rest of the day.  Phil didn't bother worrying about him-he was probably just at Astrid's-so he spent the rest of the day watching TV and almost burning the brownies.  Although it probably didn't matter if they were burnt Or not seeing as Phil didn't really want to eat them anymore and they'd probably be cold by the time Dan got back.  Of course, Dan would still eat them, he would just complain about them not being as good.
Meanwhile, Dan did in fact go to Astrid's house and tried to forget about the kiss by burying himself in wedding planning and fun late night activities.
Dan awoke the next morning with his limbs tangled with someone else's.  His eyes sleepily blinked open and he smiled softly at the girl sleeping next to him.  Astrid quietly stirred and she mumbled something incoherent as she rolled onto her back.
"What was that?" Dan smiled, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
"I said good morning," Astrid said with a yawn as she slowly opened her eyes.
She hummed quietly as she stared up at Dan, a small smile tugging at her lips.
"You look nice," she smirked.
"I'm not wearing anything!" exclaimed Dan.
"Exactly," Astrid said, a chuckle emitting from her throat.
Dan rolled his eyes. "Ohmygod."
He leaned over the bed, searching for his clothes as Astrid giggled.
"Maybe you should take a shower before you get dressed and head back home," Astrid suggested.
Dan nodded and pulled himself back onto the bed, burying his face in the pillow. "Good idea."
"Speaking of home, how much longer until you move in?" Astrid asked quietly as she sat up and nervously played with her fingers.
"I don't know," mumbled Dan, rolling onto his side. "I just want to make sure he's alright."
Astrid nodded. "I know.  Is he doing any better?"
"I hope so."
"Do you know what was making him...ya know..." Astrid trailed off awkwardly, staring down at her hands.
Dan bit his lip nervously.  He should probably tell her, she has a right to know.  They were going to be married soon and keeping secrets this big probably wasn't the best choice.
"No idea," murmured Dan, his fingers crossed under the blankets.
"I'm sorry," frowned Astrid. "I hope everything works out."
Dan nodded. "Me too."
Astrid leaned forward, gently pecking his lips. "Ew.  Morning breath.  Okay, you go take a shower and I'll start breakfast."
"Or you could come with me and we could make breakfast together?" suggested Dan with a small smirk.
"You're very convincing."
When Dan finally got back to his flat, he found Phil still fast asleep on the couch with some crappy television show playing quietly in the background.  Dan chuckled quietly and turned off the TV before turning away to hide in his room.  He had only been on tumblr for a couple minutes when he heard someone walk down the hallway.  A quiet-almost hesitant-knock caught Dan's attention and he answered with a small "come in".  He glanced up as the door slowly creaked open and Phil poked his head inside.
"You're back."
"Yeah."
Heavy silence blanketed them and Dan had started debating whether he should start a conversation or go back to scrolling tumblr and ignore Phil until he left.  But before he could come to a conclusion, Phil had already spoken.
"I'm sorry."
Dan quirked an eyebrow. "For what?"
"You know what."
"No I-"
"Don't play dumb with me.  And don't make me say it out loud."
Dan sighed and glanced down at the keys on his laptop.  Of course he knew what Phil was talking about, but Dan had been hoping that they could just forget it ever happened. He wanted to be able to go back to being happily engaged without all of this guilt.  He felt guilty last night with Astrid and he felt guilty looking at Phil now.  And in the back of his mind he wondered if he would ever not feel guilty.
A quiet sigh met his ears and he could hear Phil turning around to leave the room.   Dan's head snapped up and the words were tumbling out of his mouth in a rush-and they probably weren't the best words for him to say.
"Don't mention it to Astrid...or anyone...Please."
And Dan immediately wished to take those words back.  They made it sound like he had cheated on Astrid-which he had-but saying something like that out loud made it feel real.  And now that the words felt real, the guilt was almost overwhelming.
Phil stood still in the doorway, his lower lip between his teeth and his hand clutching the doorknob.  Those words made his chest ache.  Not only because they meant Dan wanted to preserve his relationship with Astrid rather than pursue one with Phil (not that Phil had expected Dan to pursue a relationship with him), but Dan just sounded so desperate-almost as if he were begging.
"I won't," murmured Phil.
And with that he was gone, leaving Dan feeling desperate and guilty and strangely alone.  Dan collapsed backwards, his back hitting the soft material of his bed, leaving tumblr forgotten for once.  He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut, his teeth grinding together.  He could feel the familiar sensation of anxiety building in his stomach and he gently pressed his hands against his stomach, right below his diaphragm, as if it would fight off the unfriendly emotion.
How could he get himself into this mess?  He sighed and thought back to the evening before.  What could have possibly made him want to kiss Phil?  Phil did look awfully cute with all the flour in his hair.  But Phil looked cute a lot of the time.  Did that mean he liked Phil back?  If so, why the hell did he have to discover this now?  That was most definitley not fair.
"Oh god, I'm a terrible person," groaned Dan, running his hands through his hair and down his face in frustration.
No matter how cute Phil looked (with or without flour in his hair), it wasn't an excuse for Dan to cheat on his wife.