The I In Lie [Phan]

Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE
Phil Lester sat on the cold bathroom floor, tears flowing from his eyes and blood flowing from his ankles.
'This is stupid,' he thought to himself. 'Letting your entire life go just for one damn guy!'
Phil gritted his teeth in anger and squeezed and razor in his hand, not caring if it cut his palm.
"Stupid," he growled out loud as he left another cut on his ankle.
He sighed, staring at his destroyed ankles.  Dan wouldn't be happy with him if he found out.  But he won't find out.  Phil was desperate to keep this a secret.  Sure it was difficult now but it would be easier once Dan moved out.
That's right.  Moved out.  Dan was planning on leaving Phil for Astrid.  Granted, it wasn't that surprising but it still stung.  It almost made it official.  Almost.  But not quite.  It wouldn't be official until the words "I do" had passed Dan's lips.
Phil shook the thought from his head and grabbed a towel, holding it under the tap before pressing it against his ankles.  When he was done with that, he placed a few band aids over the cuts.  He hobbled into his room and collapsed on the bed, burying himself under the blankets.  He grabbed his phone, hoping to distract himself.  Unfortunately every social media was overflowing with the picture Dan had just posted of himself and his fiancé.
Phil desperately wished he could hate her.  And a part of him did.  She stole the love of his life from him.  Who wouldn't hate someone for that?
But she also made Dan happy.  And she was honestly good for him.  They liked all the same things, she was faithful to him, she seemed to like him for him and not for his fame, and she loved him.
So Phil didn't dare do anything to break them apart.
'He won't love you back anyways,' Phil thought to himself. 'He'd just find someone else.'
Phil sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, tears starting to form once again.
~*~*
Dan Howell entered his apart late that night.  He crept quietly down the hall, being sure not to wake Phil.  He collapsed on his bed, immediately checking his phone where he discovered he had a text from Astrid.
'I love planning our wedding.  It's kind of exciting, isn't it?'
Dan chuckled. 'Kind of?  I would say more than kind of.'
'Haha.  Yeah, okay.  Really exciting.'
'Night babe. X'
'Night x'
Dan sighed happily.  Everything was going so well.  He was getting married, all the fans were supportive, Phil was happy for him, his parents were almost more excited than he was, and he was happy.
A large yawn overtook him and he begrudgingly gave into the idea that he would have to go to sleep.  He rolled over to plug his phone in only to find his bedside table empty of a charger.  He frowned, confusion filling his mind for a moment before he remembered that he had lent the charger to Phil before he left.
Dan quietly got to his feet and tip-toed into Phil's room.  He rolled his eyes as he spotted Phil sprawled out across the bed, the blankets tossed carelessly on the floor.  He was quite the restless sleeper.  Dan made a move towards the desk, but froze.  His gaze wide-eyed gaze was now trained on his friend.  Or more specifically, his friend's scar covered ankles.