jar

16 ; full chapter

it may seem a little stupid to you but i still love jimin. its been almost 4 months and im still not over him. everything we did. the kisses , the making "love" , the songs i made about him , the cuddling , & the whispering sweet nothings into each others ears. they were nothing to him. those moments that i practically gave my all to him he just threw it away. he threw away my love & left me with a broken heart. i still haven't left the studio i only left to take a shower and eat when i desperately needed to do so. i've been making new music but all of then turned out to be about heartbreak and about him.

"i smell heartbreak on my hands. i feel sick to my stomach as i begin to stand. i see the outline in my bed in the same spot i watched him rest his hand"

i rapped the new song i made up. every word made me think of one specific person.

"i've done you wrong i regret it. write this song trying to forget it. i feel this emptiness in my chest. i feel so real but i'm feeling stressed"

i'm sorry i couldn't be enough for you.

"i need to do something. i fucked up for nothing. now i gotta just tell, someone tell someone what i've done."

as i sang through the chorus all i could really think about is how you made me feel on fire with your touch but once you did what you did the fire died down. but it became a fire of hatred. sadly it wasn't towards you. it was towards myself. why? i don't know.

"you deserve a forever not a boy looking for better. but as long as you're still here imma try to keep you near."

why did everything remind me of you. i hated myself for something that you did. i did things that i said i wouldn't do. i promised you. but you promised you wouldn't leave me and that you loved me. so i guess we both broke our promises to each other. i sobbed as i sang the last few lines of my new song.

"all that i did. all that you said all of these running around my head. please bathe me now. wash me clean. just set my heart on fire like gasoline."

isn't it funny? how we both broke our promise. i guess the saying is true. promises are made to be broken aren't they?

seokjin was just standing there looking at me with a sympathetic stare. i didn't want his pity. i didn't want namjoon's pity. i didn't want them to try to fix what happened between jimin and i. once a cheater always a cheater right? my mind kept repeating those words. i chose to trust my mind and decided never talk to him anymore. as much as it hurts. as much as i want to run back into his arms. and as much as i want tell him i love him without having to worry of his answer. it wont happen and i don't really think there will be a day like that.

i saw jimin kiss my best friend 4 months ago. none of them called. none of them tried to explain. i was simply shocked , sad , angry , and most importantly heart broken. my heart wrenched at the sight. i didn't want to see that after coming home from a long day at the studio just wanting to cuddle my boyfriend but not everything can be as you want it right? well now that moment i walked in and saw what they were doing on my bed just kept replaying in my mind.

i want to start over again. i want to leave Seoul. i want to leave this all behind. i want to leave the broken promises , the betrayal , the pity i got , i wanted to start afresh. maybe i should move to somewhere where no one would know me. i couldn't move to my hometown cause the guys would try going there to bring me back to this hell hole. i just wanted to escape everything.

i sobbed and sobbed and after what seemed a long time of crying i heard a knock at the door. i was simple just astonished to see who finally decided to show his face to me. after all these months of crying over you here you were. i wiped my tears and i saw the reasons i wanted to leave and write nothing but heartbreak songs.

i was completely frozen and once i realised what was happening. i did the only thing i could do at a moment of time like this. i screamed , sobbed , and hit jimin so many times it was hard to count.

i then looked at hoseok. with a death glare i did the same except i did it harder with more anger than i had on jimin. i didn't understand why he would do that to me. i screamed and screamed till my throat hurt so much i had to stop. jimin then pulled my into a hug which i then replied by pushing him off and running away. i heard them calling my name many times but i really didn't care at the moment all i wanted to do was cry. i didn't want to cry more than i already did in front of them. they were the reason for everything that has happened to me. every single thing. i would be perfectly fine. i would be happy. i never expected to then to come and see me after this long. to be honest i was not ready for that. nor will i ever be ready to face both of those bastards every again. i was going to leave this place. i was going to leave everything behind. i wasn't going to tell anybody where i was going and i didn't care who i hurt in the process.