i've been thinking too much

4 || i miss you, in an unusual way

dear my mostly platonic "crush"

the first time we talked, i was full of anxiety. i just wanted to tell you that i liked your notebook. which was code for i like the bands and things you had on your notebook. i had been wanting to tell you for weeks but was too nervous. my friends had to actually shove me to say it to your face. needless to say i was pretty embarrassed and mad.

the next time we talked we were walking around. it surprised me. we joked and took pictures. i had dropped my camera on the way back. i hope you don't mind but, i tested the camera by taking a photo of you. even if you weren't really looking at the camera,it was a somewhat nice candid.

i don't really remember too much more. we talked some more, you distracted me from my work. we eventually made some inside jokes and you had added me on social media. we talked for a little while. i had really hoped we would be good friends.

i remember when we were out in a group and just messed around taking pictures but mostly just hung out. we pushed each other from the rocks, read, and you left your wine colored lipstick stained on my skin.

later on, you carried me through the hall and we laughed about silly things.

last time we talked, a new song had came out by a band we both like, it was only a few second conversation. i want to keep talking to you, but i don't know how. i don't want to bother you. my anxiety kind of talks me out of trying and you haven't really been online recently from what i've seen. i've always had some anxiety when i talked to you, i just wanted to be good friends. maybe i just had too high of expectations. i've left out some parts. either i didn't remember it or i just didn't want to add it in.

i hope you don't find this.