Build A Boy

Chapter 4: Not-So-Cool Calm an Collected

Chapter 4

"Ok, so who do you think is cuter; Brangelina, or Jelena?" It was lunch time, and we were all sitting at our usual spot in the courtyard. Our friend Piper, who religiously practiced mass consumption of celebrity gossip, was now forcing it upon us.

I swirled the straw in my drink, bored as ever, and glanced over at the lunch table where Ki was sitting. I noticed how Bethany Ross was looking at him as if he were the food on her plate instead of the school's limp salad. For a moment the image of Ki making out with some girl flashed into my mind.

I wondered briefly if 'Betty' had done it. In the fourth grade, she'd tried out for cheerleading, and been terrible. All the cheerleaders made fun of her behind her back, and I was pretty much the only one in the whole group who acknowledged her afterwards. I really hoped it wasn't her. My stomach was knotting. She had become a little bit of a "ho" according to Shea, but we were friends.

I sighed.

"Hey, are you guys even listening?" Piper whined, but I wasn't listening. I was busy hyperventilating as I watched Ki saunter over to our table. I hadn't spoken to him all day, but I was sure he'd heard the rumors already.

"Yo!" He said, playfully slinging an arm around Shea. She was quick to leap out of her seat and smack his hand away.

"Get the hell away from me!" She shouted. That was a bit brash, but I stayed silent because I was feeling a bit strangled. I was wearing a TMNT shirt, and a denim button down over it, with some burgundy skinny jeans. Pretty standard for me, but for some reason I could barely breathe. The collar of my shirt was strangling me.

"God Dammit Shea, what the hell is your problem?" She stayed quiet, while he muttered something under his breathe that had Shea looking at me, her face full of concern.

I dared myself to look up at Ki, but I somehow picked the wrong moment, because he was looking at me with a smile that slowly melted into a deep expression of concern. "You okay Princess?"he asked.

"I'm not your princess." I choked out. I tried to be strong, but it came out sounding more like a mew.

"Huh?" He asked looking upset.

I summoned every ounce of courage in my body, and said louder this time. "I'm not your princess. At least not anymore." I then grabbed my stuff and left the table.

I was marching away when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Babe, what are you-" he started. But I couldn't-wouldn't-didn't let him finish.

"No! Don't 'babe' me! I know what you did Ki, and I'm not gonna subject myself to this shit any longer." By now I had drawn quite a crowd. Everyone wanted a piece of the action. But to me it was just us.

"Babe-" there he went with that 'babe' mess again "Why? Marzia it's you! And it's only ever been you! I-I-I"

"-No. St- Stop." I faltered for a moment. He was about to tell me he loved me. If he did I'd break down. And not when I had the courage to say what I'd always wanted to. "Don't say it."

"Why not?" He asked shaking.

"Because I bet that's what you said to 'her' too." I spat drawing a chorus of 'ooooos' from the crowd.

"Who's 'she'?" He asked.

"Not me. Whoever she is, she's not me." This time I walked quickly, before they could see me cry.

"Wait!" Again he grabbed my arm.

"What?" I whispered.

"Here. I don't know what I did, but here." He slides something into the pocket of my denim shirt, his hand brushing mine. I flinched.

And then, I walked away. To everyone else I looked strong. I looked sure of myself, and like I knew what I was doing, but on the inside I was a mess.

Once inside I ran as fast as I could, and hid in the girl's room where I cried my eyes out for an hour.

How's that for calm and collected?