My Suicide Letter

Two

Dad has been in coma for two months. I can't believe this is really happening. First Mom, now Dad.. It seems more clearly now that I have absolutely no reason to be alive. I'm lying down next to my dad's body that can't even breath on his own and I wonder if he is hugging Mom and just wishing to die, just like I do.

Suddenly, I hear a strong knock on the hospital bedroom. I do not respond because I'm enjoying some quiet time with Dad but the person ignores it and still comes in. As I dry my tears and sit straight, I can't believe what I am seeing.

- Grandma? Is it really you? 

Nobody has an idea of how much I love my grandma. Despite not seeing her for 10 years, we kept sending letters to each other. I feel like she is one of the three people alive that really gets me and seems to be interest in what I feel. Dad and Granny stopped talking since that day he arrived home crying like hell. It was the first time I saw him drunk.

- Oh my dear, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class? - she say, with surprise and affliction on her hoarse voice.

- Ah, no, ah.. today was a school trip and I decided not to go. 

Yes, I lie. Despite being a straight A's student since I started reading with 1 and a half year, my life is worst than my Math teacher's wart lately and I couldn't deal with school issues at the moment. And I'm 2 classes above my age, so I guess it's okay to skip school for a day.

I jump out of the bed and hug Granny very tight. We are both crying, but this time is the good kind of crying, the "I'm so glad you are here" crying.

-So.. What do the doctors say? - she asks, while cleaning her smudge makeup under her eyes. 

It is the first time I really have the will to laugh in a while. She really looked like a girl that broke up with her 1 week boyfriend and was laying in the couch crying, eating ice cream and watching chicks' movies over and over again. This feeling lasted 10 seconds, sadly. Before all the tragedy, I had a great sense of humor and I was always laughing with the bad jokes Zack kept on telling..

- He drank a lot that night, you know? 10 bottles... Some of the alcohol went to this lungs... Now they are better, but he still can't breath on his own. And.. his liver is worst than I thought, he is going to need a new one...

She become very pale. I can really see the guilty and sadness on her eyes. I can swear she is about to burst into tears, not from happiness, this time.

-Hm.. I see. Well, I'm happy you are okay. Your Grandpa must be home soon, I have to go. Keep sending letters darling. - she says, holding her tears from falling and kissing me in the forehead.

She is holding the knob when she turns around and says:

-If he eventually wakes up, don't tell him I was here. And Oh, I almost forgot. This is for you.

And she hands me a beautiful black rose, my favorite.

She slammed the door. I lay down next to my Dad again and I placed the rose on the bedside table. I notice that the rose has a little paper inside. 

Then, I wake up. Damn, I was so tired that i fell asleep as soon as i laid on the uncomfortable bed. I am turn to my Dad's side of the bed and that creeps me out. So, I turn around to the bedside table.

 It is empty.