REBEL HEART (GxG)

16

LEXI

"Wow! Gab this is. . This is wonderful"

I roamed around the entire studio and Gab followed behind me, stopping at one corner. My eyes went wide with amazement and I couldn't help but admire Gab's studio. It looks so cool and the ambiance in this room was different, a good different. On the far end were paintings of some sort and stacks of canvass and paint cans. The walls were customized like it was a big canvass board. There was a wall that was painted in graffiti with pastel and bright colors. The others were still bare, but what caught my attention was the phrase written over the graffiti. It read, "Just Breathe"

I moved towards the wall and I gently stroked it with my hand. I glanced at Gab giving her a look that says, explain.

"Well.." Gab started.

She trailed off locking her eyes on mine as she moved forward closing the gap between us. She stopped few inches, enough to let me see her gorgeous face. I was pinned on the wall and her eyes never left mine. I looked at her feeling the intensity of being this close. Maybe Gab noticed how nervous I was because my chest was heaving fast. Her emerald green eyes gazed into mine and I'm so lost in the moment. Gab moved her face closer to mine and her hands were pressed against the wall for support. I remembered the last time she pinned me on the wall, but this time around is different, its sensual and intimate.

"Just Breathe" Gab whispered.

I felt her hot breath in my face, a smell of mint and candy. Involuntarily, my lips parted and my stomach churned. God how I ached for her lips on mine. I was waiting for her to take me in, but then she pushed herself against the wall, using her hands and then she turned away retreating at the crate in front.

She crossed her legs sitting at the crate and it look liked she was gauging my reaction. Is Gab teasing me? Because I think she is and it's making me nuts. I felt my cheeks burned as I shook my head, running my hands through my hair.

"Lexi, are you okay?" Gab asked looking innocent.

I rested both my hands on the back of my waist and I felt so uneasy and embarrassed. I really expected Gab to kiss me. Oh God! I simply nodded to her and forced a smile. Gab took a deep breath before speaking.

"Well I painted it to serve as a reminder to myself, like a mantra in my head. Like when everything is falling apart just breathe. When your plans don't turn out the way you want them, just breathe. When you don't understand what's happening around and you're left with no one, just breathe and everything's going to be okay"

I am now sitting on the floor, crossing my legs and leaning against the painted wall. I look at Gab, hanging on to her every word, and I know she is opening up.

"I was sent here because I've been nothing but trouble back home. When my grandparents died from car crash I blamed myself. They were out looking for me because I was in some party and they were so worried about me. A drunk driver hit their car and left them dead. Every night I drown myself with alcohol and I even tried drugs at one point. I just want to forget the pain even if it's temporary. I couldn't understand what was happening and why it is happening and the pain and emptiness is smothering me. Is it God punishing me for all the things I've done? I was a pain in the ass growing up. I was close to trouble everywhere I went but I guess it's just me looking for that something that would fill up the holes deep in my soul. I craved for a mother's love and a father's protection. Don't get me wrong, both my grandparents have been there for me the entire time, but for me it's still not enough, like a part of me is always missing. After graduating college, I went out more often, partied more often and drink almost every night. Like at last I'm free to do whatever the fvck I want, or maybe leave and never come back again. I was so fed up with a life of luxury when all I wanted was physical presence, just someone to be there and listen. And it was one of those nights where my grandparent's died looking for me. I was so devastated and I blamed myself on how selfish and irresponsible I become. Then 1 day, on the 40th day of my grandparents passing, I slept on the couch after the small gathering ended. I don't know if it's a dream but it felt so real, like I felt my grandma's warm hands on my face caressing it, and my grandpa's gentle but strong hands on my shoulder. They were talking to me. I am sitting between them and we were out on a field on a bright sunny afternoon. Lola, that's what I called my grandma told me how much she loves me and that she's proud of me. Then Lolo, my grandpa told me that I have nothing to worry because he will always look out for me and to just breathe and that everything will be okay. I woke up crying Lexi, like I felt all the water in my body was spewing out from my eyes. I know it was their way to communicate with me, and to let me know how I meant to them. I was happy but at the same time it broke my heart because I realize I missed them so much and there was nothing I can do to have them back. But after thinking about what Lolo told me, I felt better. It might be my fault but I guess it happened for a reason. I may not know it yet but I know God has a plan for me. Then I started to pull my shit together, I cut my drinking habits and going out sesh. I even avoided those people who lured me into it. And that's when Uncle Sully asked me to come over, and I thought that maybe it might help me, new environment and stuff. So I guess that was it. Just breathe. . . and everything will be okay"