Writing Letters [completed // editing]

| letter twenty two november 24 2000 |

"To love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be destroyed." 

                         ~the city of bones

Dear Angel, 

Have you ever wondered to yourself, what's the worse that could happen? You could die, you could be sick, you could be homeless, you could have no family, you could be expelled, you could be any number of things. 

But I think that the worst thing, is to be heartbroken. It's a curious feeling, actually. The feeling of losing someone, in it of itself, is not a pleasant feeling to have something or someone ripped away from you without warning. I mean, I no all too well how awful it is to lose someone you love. It's how I felt when my mom died. 

But I think that losing someone that you're intimate with, it's a new, special type of torture.

Imagine coming home to something, day after day. You grow attached to it,  start to take it for granted, even though you might even realize it. Then one day, it's gone. It just got torn away from you without realizing it. And that's when you realize, you need that thing. So much more than you thought when you first got it. 

You start to grow dependent on it, start to rely on it for even the simplest of things. Why? 

Simply because it gives you a sense of security, a sense of belonging. Maybe it makes you feel accepted, loved, wanted, needed. 

But the catch, is that you can't fully appreciate what it gives you until you don't have it any more. 

That's how I feel about losing you, Angel. 

A year ago, I thought that everything was getting better. That was before you found someone better. I'm sitting at that small cafe that we used to go to, the one with the poetry readings on Thursday nights. Do you remember when Gage punched you here? I do, and to this day, it's one of the funniest things that's happened to me. 

That's beside the point. The point is that you're here with her. The girl with long black hair, brown eyes, and a slim figure. The one with a beautiful laugh, and a cute smile, her smile has dimples. Dimples! 

And I suspect she's not as broken as me, is she, Angel. 

It really hurts that you brought her here, you  must've not remembered how special this place was to me. I can't look, the way you talk to her, the way he hold her hand, the way you kiss her. It hurts. 

Our song is playing. You're looking at me. 

Goodbye, Angel. 

As always, 

Ash 

not the end, i repeat, not the end. whoa, i think this is the longest chapter i've ever written. whoo, this is so amazing, i just love you all. i was going to put in how to save a life as their song, but then i remembered that that song wasn't made until 2005. i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. 

toodles! xx

ps if you got the harry potter reference i love you. 

pps its not a very good one though