Remnants -- Remake (Carl Grimes Gay Fanfiction)

26: The Aftermath

-ACT FIVE-

-Riley-

Carl and I walked in silence for several hours, both facing our own internal demons before we would even consider using words; that had been a trait of ours even before all of this hostility between us.

Mine were primarily concerning Jay; he could be dead. He probably was.

Looking down at my bloodstained arm, I peered at his leather watch. This was the only memory I had of the boy that had served as my only friendly company in some of the most daunting days of my life so far.

The Governor was also on my mind as well, but for much more frightening reasons. I didn't even know if he was dead. The last I'd seen of him, he'd been damning me back up in his office, hurling obscenity and threats at me as I walked away. The Alexandrians certainly hadn't taken prisoners, but I was unsure as to whether or not they'd actually managed to breach the hospital.

Stop thinking about that now, damn it.

I need to focus.

There's 50 miles - well... about 45 now - between here and Alexandria, and God knows what dangers lie between here and there.

We knew we were going in the right direction; the vehicles that the rest of Carl's group had used to escape had left tire tracks imprinted in the wet ground. With any luck, they would lead us straight to Alexandria.

The herd was still out there somewhere, however; they would have most likely ran out of food supply in Woodbury by now, and presumably began dissipating into the surrounding woodlands.

God help us if we get surrounded out here; the Governor sure as hell isn't gonna show up to save me if I get bitten again.

This isn't all about me, though.

I turned to face Carl, who walked at a slow pace. He'd claimed his ankle was only 'twisted', but judging from his actions - the occasional groan of pain or having to stop and rest every so often - I suspected it was worse than that.

He wasn't willing to show any more pain than he had to, though. At least not in front of me. There could be several reasons for that.

He's been through just as much as I have in these last few days, and now I've gone from being his boyfriend - his one pillar of support through all of this hell - into being his worst enemy. We've had big arguments before, and we've forgiven each other, but would we ever forgive one another after this?

Hell, was 'we' even a word I was entitled to use anymore?

At that moment, I concluded that - even it sparked a conflict between Carl and I; something that seemed inevitable right now - I had to speak to him. We had been walking in silence for far too long now, asking ourselves difficult questions that could be answered much more simply if we just asked each other instead.

"Carl," I finally spoke up, "do you really not believe me? At all?"

He didn't reply.

"Carl?"

Silence.

"Damn it Carl, can you at least speak to me?"

"You want me to speak?" he snapped, turning on me in an instant, "fine! I'll speak! I don't believe a God damned word of it."

Sighing in defeat, I hung my head in shame, realizing that he truly did despise me.

I'd anticipated something like this - a volatile reaction in which he said things that he hopefully didn't mean - but that didn't stop it from hurting me like hell when he said it.

"That's not fair, Carl," I spoke up after several seconds of silence.

"No, you're right," he grimaced, "it isn't fair. None of it."

"Then why?"

"Because just look where we are! In the middle of nowhere! And all because you gave the Governor the information he needed to start a war."

"Okay, okay, fine! I told him about Alexandria. So what? I told him it was a good place, filled with good people, and one of them was my boyfriend. I told him it was the one place in the world that I wanted to be. Hell, I'll even go back to Woodbury and get the interview tape if it proves it to you."

"Don't be stupid, Riley. I'm being serious."

"Who says I'm not?"

"I am."

"Just you, huh?"

"Jesus, Riley, you never take anything seriously."

"I don't take anything seriously? You're getting pretty desperate to insult me now, aren't you? So it wasn't serious when I saved you and Daryl from those walkers?"

"We wouldn't have needed saving if you hadn't screwed up and caught their attention."

"Right, right, because you've never made mistakes..."

"We're not talking about me."

"Well that's good, isn't it? Cause if we were, we'd be here all damned day."

"That's pretty rich coming from you."

"Are you saying that--" I began, but I couldn't finish my sentence.

At that moment, I was cut off by Carl once again.

This time, however, he didn't interrupt me with words, or with his fists like last time, as I had expected.

No.

It took me several seconds to realize that, instead, I'd been cut off by Carl abruptly leaning forward and pressing his lips almost forcefully against mine.