Kill Or Be Killed (H2OVANOSS)

chapter 43: is this real?

Delirious pov

"I love you"

My breathe hitched. My brain hurts, I cant breathe and I'm scared. If this isn't the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life, I don't know what is. This word means nothing and everything to me.

It hurts me and it disgusts me. He doesn't really love me, he just wants to get inside me. To manipulate me and hurt me.

"You're lying"

He gave me a blank expression and I tried getting out of bed. "Why would you think I'm lying?"

"You know why-"

"No I don't, I don't know why cause all I have you was love and affection. I protected you and took you under my wing-"

"Lying bitch!" I yelled. I turn back to look at him and I saw him retrieve his hand away from me and takes a step back.

"I hate you, all you did was hurt me....brake me...."

He stays quiet and walks towards the other side of the bed. He crouched right infront of me and looks at me. "I....I just want to slap you- you and the corporal for all you've done!"

I then bring my hand up and slap him across the face. I kept my hand on his face and he softly places his hand on top of mine. I gasped and tried to move my hand away but he keeps it there. The spot I slapped him got hot and I feel myself freaking out.

"I-I-I-I- C-cartoonz?"

He then brings my hand away from his face and hits himself again. I froze, he keeps hitting himself and I tried to stop him. "If it makes you feel better...and if it helps you take out all of you're anger out....hit me...hit me until you can't anymore"

My lip trembles and I begun to cry. Something about this side of him makes me feel warm and safe.

I begun to mumble random shit and he looks at me. "You're dirty...." was all he said. He picked me up an I tried to pull away but he took me to the shower room. I push away but he wouldn't let me go.

"I promise I won't hurt you"

I stopped struggling and let him do what he wanted. I've lost this fight. I've lost once again but not because I was to tired to fight back, I've let myself get beat. I let him win, but why?

He slowly puts me on the ground and takes off everything on my body except my boxers. "I need to take off your underwear and the thing around you're neck"

I couldn't think. I slowly take off my boxers and he scans my body. His hand tremble as they make contact with my body. He traces my scars and stitches. I flinched every time and he would retrieve his hand and look at me. After we would look at each other for what seem an hour he continues.

"You're....you're body" he whispered.

"You and corporal did this....along with more people and my dad-"

"No it wasn't. They took you away from us...." He then stops touching me and looks at me.

"How did cartoonz body look like?"

"....."

"Tell me please"

"Like your body" I mumbled. He chucked and shakes his head. "Im going to take off my shirt, okay?"

I don't do anything and he just takes of his shirt. I look at his shoulders and I see that he has freckles.

The other cartoonz didn't have freckles...

I scan his body more and I see a birthmark around his hip. I touched him softly and then electricity shocks my body. Something in my head snapped and I remember part and bits of this guy's body, but my cartoonz never had a birthmark or freckles. I shake my head and sigh.

"It's cold..."

"I'll let you take a shower then-"

"No....take it with me" I said. I wanted to touch his body more. I wanted to hug him and I wanted him to touch me in every way. As friends, best friends, family, Bros, lovers and enemies. I don't know if I was desperate to get touched but I don't feel myself heating up.

My body trusts him but my mind tells me I shouldn't. My body takes control over my mind and I undo his pants. They fall smoothly down his legs and he kicks them away. He takes of his shoes and socks and just stays in boxers. "Off..." I whispered. I dug my finger on the elastic an pulled it down.

He kicks them off and we look at each other. He doesn't look below my face, on the other hand I do. I scan his whole body. His legs, torso, hips, sides, back and junk.

He turns around and turns on the water. I felt the warm water touch my skin and I sigh.

"Warm water..." I whispered. "You love warm showers" he said with a smile. "I do..." I mumbled.

Cartoonz throws are clothes somewhere infront of the door and he stands infront of the shower.

"Touch me..." I whispered. Cartoonz turns me around slowly and he presses my back against his chest.

"I just want to hug you..." He whispered in my head.

This side of cartoonz makes me feel warm inside, I feel loved.

Finally.

I sobbed quietly as he hugs me from behind and the warm water runs down are bodies. "Let it out....I will always be here when you cry"

I let my tears fall and his body protectively covers my own. Making a little cave for me to hide and cry into.

With vanoss (short)

I look for cartoonz and delirious all over the place. I pass by the showers and I heard mumbles. I squeak comes from the door and I put my ear to the door.

"Let me take care of you...."

I know that voice....

It's luke's voice.

"Im scared...."

I heard delirious whisper.

"Im not pushing you to do it now....I'm telling you because I feel like you need-"

"Cartoonz..."

"Hm?"

"Is this real?"

I was stunned for a second. Does words repeated themselves in my head. "Is this real..." I whispered. I never got to hear what luke answered but I'm guessing he said yes. I opened the door slightly and I saw clothes scatter all over the place. I heard whimpers and small moans come from the other side of the showers. I looked to my right and saw the shadows of there bodies.

Sadness and anger flow threw my body. I see the small figure which I'm assuming it's delirious get pressed up against another human body which was cartoonz.

Delirious slides down cartoonz' body and into the floor. I feel myself about to snap at the sight of the shadows.

"What are you doing?" Luke asked. "Im tired....I want to sit down"

"Not on the floor, Idiot"

I hear a small chuckle and luke's laugh rings in my ears. "Don't you fuckin laugh" Delirious playfully warns. "It's funny!"

"Fuck you"

I don't know how to feel about this anymore. I pull away and closed the door slightly and walked away with does words in my head.

Is this real?