New Revolution (step up revolution fanfic)

chapter 3

"its a cherub, on my back? it symbolizes a story for me, and a fresh wound.", I took a long swig out of my glass of beer.

"will you tell me about it?"

"can't, the wounds too new and too deep. telling the story now means wrenching it back open and making it worse. but telling you specifically, puts salt on it afterwards.".

"and why is that Elizabeth?", if Ricky kept prying, I'd give soon.

"look Ricky, I, I can't do it. "

"well, if I'm your therapist, I need to understand what I'm working with"

I sighed and gave him my glass to refill, I put my head in my hands and rubbed my eyes. taking a long drink out of my newly refilled glass, I said,"you know, if this continues, I'm gonna be really really screwed".

"yes you are", Ricky said with a sheepish smile

"alright then. we've gotta go to the beginning, and into the archives. okay, I was 13 years old, real young, and my dad just up and leaves. outta no where, just gone. and so, week after week he was gone, my mother became angrier, more violent, hot tempured. she hated me, and when ever I did something wrong, het response was to smack me around a little bit. but over time a few light pops in the mouth became hitting me with anything. I remember one time we were at a, uh, a bowling alley. I guess I'd looked at her wrong, and she dragged me to the bathroom. made sure we were alone, and threw me into the wall. my head hit those air dryer thing for your hands. and I sunk to the ground holding my head. and she told me to think about what id done. and I didn't even know, or maybe I did and couldn't remember from my concussion."

"you knew you had a concussion?", Ricky was amazed

"yeah well, when you've been dealing with it for years, it gets a little recognizable. but, um, when id composed myself, I looked at the air dryer and there was a huge dent. where my head had hit.

       but my mom never approved of anything I did, ever. she set me up on blind dates, since I was 14, and it always ended the same. them cheating on me, and thinking that women are property and objects. but it was constant, I mean I couldn't go against my Moms wishes. one of the most respected women in miami.

      anyway, I was secretly working at the adoption center, just playing with the kids. and um, I had a boyfriend, my longest boyfriend ever actually. it was ah, Robert, I called him Rob. well I got a call from the adoption center, saying that they needed a temporary home for a little girl with SIDS. they thought I was a good candidate. they said that there was a good possibility that if she had a stable environment, she might not die. I adopted her in hopes that I could save a life. I told rob about it, he thought I was crazy. told me it was a bad idea, that I should give her back. he told me it was her or him, I told him it wasn't fair, and he chose for me. i found out later that he was with seven different girls behind my back. and, I didn't tell Emily this because she would have driven to his house and beat him sensless like he did me."

Ricky took in a small gasp,"Elizabeth, you were abused by your mother and your boyfriend, and you told no one?"

"well Emily knew, I just wouldn't let her say anything", Ricky grunted unhappily,"anyways, you would've thought that I had shot and killed all of New York City, and then Pittsburg. My mother thought I was killing myself by adopting that little girl. and I was killing her. she told me that having a child before your 30 years old, was going to be the death of me. and I told that she had me when she was 22 and a half. she replied to me with an angry, 'yeah, and here you are. I hate you, and i think about how my life could've been better if I hadn't had you everyday.' well her opinion was worth less than nothing to me by now. but being who she was, she talked to my boss. and my boss told me that if I didn't lose the baby I would be fired.",my eyes welled with tears, and I quickly tried to wipe them away." and I was fired 'for my own good', which was illegal, but I really wasn't going to get into a lawsuit when my mothers on the other side of it. she can make a powerful allie. and a deadly enemy. everyone shut me out and said I was making the biggest mistake of my life." I shuddered, tears streaming like a river down my face. "because I was so stressed out and unstable the little girl died, that baby girl died. after it happened, I started punching things, I made 3 holes in the walls. broke 2 lamps, and broke a whole lotta other crap.

    I mean, had she been with any other family, anyone else. she probably wouldve survived. but she was with me, she died in my arms. I killed that kid when I adopted her, and my mother was right. its my fault she's dead", I was sobbing into the counter now, covering my head with my hands.I kept saying that its my fault she's dead, its my fault she's dead, I'm so sorry Angel, I'm so sorry.

"her name was Angel?", Ricky asked to get my mind off her death.

"yeah, he name was Angel Genevieve", I said pulling a picture out of my wallet,"she was from Jamaica".

"I got that tattoo for her, a cherub is a baby angel, I thought it was fitting.", I looked at the small happy baby in the photo, "I'm so sorry Angel".

I fell apart again, I couldnt help it," I'm not usually like this. I refrain from crying unless something happens with mother. oh god, my mother is Karen Jameson. and I'm her daughter Elizabeth J. Jameson. this is a lot more than I told Emily"

I got up to go to bed when Ricky asked me,"what does the j stand for?"

I looked at him,"if I told you that I'd have to kill you", that made him crack up. "well Ricky, I guess I should stop crying, I don't want to keep you awake with the noise"

"lizabeth, the floors are sound proof, cry all you need", I nodded and climbed onto the couch. sadly before I knew it I was in shambles again.

no ones POV

Ricky walked slowly up the stairs and met Eddie at the top. Eddie said nothing, his face regretful and ashamed.

"did you find some pity?", Ricky whispered

Eddie face went to stone,"she could be faking it"

Ricky shook his head," she thinks these floors are sound proof, if the thinks we can't hear her, why still cry? the supposed ploy for tonight is over already.", with that, Ricky retreated to his room. feeling guilty, Eddie didn't sleep a wink. he could hear Elizabeth crying beneath him. he felt bad for trying to make her someone that couldn't be trusted. for trying to exile het in to something she's not.