"My Secret"

"Pain"

I stopped home, tears stains printed on my eyes, remembering the situation happened earlier at school. "Maybe Kori was right, maybe no one will ever love me", I told myself, Rin must just be feeling pity for me....and the others? Probably just doing it 'cause they're still afraid of me, like remember Len? He still doesn't trust me.

Walking up to my bedroom, receiving a text from Rin.

Rin: Yo Rui, u okay?

I sighed quietly, responding to her question.

Me: Yeah, I'm okay

I had to lie, I don't want her pitying me more.

Rin: Alright sis, if u need anything, call meh

I placed my phone down on the bedside table in my room, and sat on my bed. I removed the bandages that Neru placed on me, noticing my scars still there, they don't look painful as they used to be. Standing up and throwing the bandages to the trash, I grabbed my pocket knife, which I left at home and walked to the bathroom.

I sat on the toilet lid, getting out the knife of my pocket knife, moving it to my leg, cutting it, leaving a wound. Blood spilling out as I continue to add more of them on my skin, tiny droplets falling from my eyes.

As I finished, I cleaned the knife and my legs to remove the blood, the scars are still there, so I grabbed more bandages and wrapped my leg with them. Doing this so that no one will be suspicious about the scars on my legs.

I then went back in bed and laid there, removing my jacket and letting the cold air hit my skin. I then received another text message, but from an unknown number.

???: Hi Rui!!!!

???: Oh I forgot, it's Gumi!!!

Gumi: Rin gave me your number!!!

I rolled my eyes giving off a slight smile, I texted her back.

Me: Hi Gumi

Gumi: Gurl!!!!!! We should totally have the video game thingy soon!!!

Me: Alright alright, jeez carrot head

Gumi: Σ（・□・；）(*｀へ'*)

I laughed at the faces seen from her text, I stood up from bed to get an orange from the kitchen, leaving the phone on table in my room. Grabbing an orange plus a box of pocky from the kitchen, I noticed a letter right in front of my front door. I placed the box of pocky under my arm while picking up the letter. I went up to my room before reading it.

I placed the box of pocky on the table as I peel the orange and opening the letter, taking a bite from the orange, I read the letter.

Dear Kagene Rui,
You don't know who is writing this, but I know who you are. I saw what happened back at school today and I am suspicious on your actions, so don't you dare pretend to be a good person, because I know deep down below, you are a reckless killer with a stone heart. So don't you dare go near Rin, sister or not. I am planning to protect all the students at school from your tyranny and if you dare back stab them, you will know what's coming.

No one signed the letter, make me uncomfortable, and the thing I was confused about is that, how do they know where I live?

I placed the letter in my bag as I sat on my bed, and continued writing in my diary....oh yeah, I have a diary.

7/16/16 4:57 pm
Dear Diary,
Today at school was kinda fun, I get to socialize with Rin, Miku and Gumi. I get to be with my old bestie again, and they are not treating me as a monster. It's just...Len still doesn't trust me, even if Rin says that I am harmless now. I'm starting to grow fear, like back then when I was younger, Len is starting to become one of my fears. But now, Kori and Zumi are now total jerks to me, I'm kinda glad that I am not part of their group anymore, it's just, I felt bad about Zumi. Even if she was a b*tch, she was the only one who was nice to me before Rin. And also I forgot to write last weekend since I was at Rin's house that time, yeah Rin is my sister. Also I got this weird letter, saying that they saw my situation at school, and that they don't trust me at all. Well, I can't blame them, I was a scary back then. Now driven back to suicide hurts....things return, my emotions return, which is good, I get to smile now, not like before, but yeah, I still do. But the depression....anxiety....why did they come back too?
-Rui

I placed my pen down as hid my diary in my clothes drawer, I guess this diary is the only talk I can do, since it doesn't judge me like real people. Besides, it'd the only thing that gets to know 'my real secret'.