But Your My Drug

Chapter two

I woke up the next day still confused about my feelings about Jayceon. I just met the dude yesterday and I let him touch me like he Chris. I feel like shit through because I cheated and I always talk about how I hate cheaters and look at me I just became one.
I'm such a bad girlfriend. I need to not let what happened between me and Jayceon to happen again. I may have liked it but I wouldn't want what I did to Chris to happen to me so I shouldn't do it to him.
I took a shower and did the rest of my hygiene before I finally got dressed and headed out for school. Once I arrived I immediately went to look for Chris. I finally found him and made my way over to him." Hey babe can I talk to you?" I said in a nervous tone. He noticed my nervousness and told his friends he'll talk to them later.
Once we were alone he finally spoke." What's wrong?" I was so scared that he might break up with me after this that I started crying.
"I've been a bad girlfriend and I really hate myself for doing this but someone kissed me yesterday and I kissed them back. I know that I shouldn't have but I got caught in the moment. I love you Chris and I'm sorry for hurting you if I did and disrespecting you by kissing someone other than you." I didn't know if he was mad or not because he just looked at me.
I looked down so I wouldn't have to face his eyes that showed no emotions.
"Liyah it's fine ok. To tell you the truth your more honest then I can ever be about stuff like that. I almost had sex with Arianna three months ago but I was scared to hurt you so I didn't say anything. I'm so sorry baby for hurting and disrespecting you. I hope you can forgive me," at this point I was just shocked. Here I was thinking I was a terrible person when he was about to have sex with the biggest hoe in the school.
"Are you serious Christopher here I am feeling so bad about a kiss when you were about to have sex with the hoe of the school. You know that bitch don't like me nor do I like that bitch and you almost slept with her. I know you didn't sleep with her but I'm pretty sure you guys did more than just kiss. Look we were both in the wrong and so from now on we have to be completely honest with each other ok," he nodded his head then went to go look for his friends.
"Trouble in paradise I see," I turned around to see Jayceon towering over me." Can you just leave me alone. You being near me is going to cost my relationship and I don't need that so find someone else to have a little secret with or whatever." I knew deep down I didn't want Jayceon to go through because there's just something about him but I also love Chris and I would never make the mistake of cheating on him again.
Jayceon didn't move one bit like everything I said went through one ear and came out another. He started walking to me and I started moving back. I was trapped but I knew if I were to run fast enough I can escape him.
Right as he was trying to trap me completely I tried to make a run for it. Keyword here tried. Jayceon grabbed me by the waist turned me around facing him then crashed his lips into mine.
I really tried, I tried so damn hard but him kissing me just felt so right. His plump lips coated mine as I sucked on his juicy bottom lip. His lips detached from mine and found there way to my awaiting neck. He left kisses everywhere around my neck and at least one hickey on my collarbone.
His lips found their way back to mine and we kissed like we did before. I couldn't stop this excitement that I had in my heart that I only have with Jayceon around. My stomach did flips and my heart pounded out of my chest as we parted away from each other. I was breathing heavily and my eyes were low almost as if I was high but in reality I was high I was high on the new drug that I have become to want to taste more and more each day.
I want this drug day and night now. I want this drug more than I want Chris. I know this is bad but can me breaking some promises and rules be so bad. I know I told him we'd be honest with each other and I know I'm wrong but there's something about Jayceon that I can't get away from.
"Jayceon this isn't right. I can't do this with you and so after I leave don't talk to me, don't touch me, don't look at me, ok. Ok." I took his hands off of me then walked away. Jayceon makes me feel so much different than Chris and it's crazy because I only just met the dude not to long ago.
Walking away from that new drug was tough but I did it and now I don't have to worry about it no more. I went to whatever class I had and moved on from what happened this morning.
----------------------------------
I arrived home and to my surprise my aunt was home." So what's been going on, tell me all the juicy details at school, ooh any drama, scandals, excitement I want to hear it all. Wait wait wait let me get the popcorn in the microwave this is gonna be good," yea that's my aunt for you. She loves to hear about any drama or gossip that goes on.
When she finally came back she rushed me to the couch and forced me to tell her everything.
I started to tell her about Jayceon, What Chris told me, the things I let Jayceon do and everything else. By the time I was done telling her everything that's been going on she had her mouth wide open and her bowl of popcorn empty, with her eyes wide open.
"Guuuurrrrrrllllll this Jayceon boy sound like trouble but he sound like he be getting your panties wet cause the way you was describing him shiiitttt he sure do got mine,"  of course she had no filter.
"TT really I need your advice on what to do I'm just so confused and this has been eating me alive. I love Chris and I want our love to last. I don't want what we have to be ruined by someone I just met," the feelings I had inside were finally being said out loud and now I feel better saying this to my TT.
"Baby girl let me ask you this. What was it like when you first met Chris?" I had to think back to when I met him and how cute I thought he was. At the time I thought he was a crush but he ended up being much more than that once we finally started going out. I truly do love Chris." When I first met Chris it was like experiencing what finding my other half really was about. Meeting Chris was like giving me a chance to know what it's like to be loved. Meeting Chris changed me but even through Chris helped me get through things and showed me love he couldn't compare to the feeling I get when Jayceon is around. His whole aroma screams dangerous, bad, poisonous, but it's so compelling to me. I feel as through he's sucking me into his whole dangerous aroma and is going to turn me into what my mother tried to prevent. He's my drug. I've taken him and I've been under his high. The feeling was out of my whole existence. Jayceon is just someone who can somehow control my body without me knowing at times. Jayceon gives me a feeling Chris doesn't but if I stick to Jayceon who knows what the future might hold for us," my aunt stared at me for sometime before she finally spoke again.
"Chris is an amazing guy baby girl. He should have all your love and attention. It seems to me like this Jayceon boy is going to get you caught up. Now he may get you caught up but I'm older so I'll risk going to jail for some good young dick," again she has no filter but you know I love her. Without her I would've been dead. I would've been left to the side. I would've been unloved. I love my TT for everything that she's done and all the advice she's gave me that's helped my move on and go forward.
My TT and I continue talking until we eventually tire ourselves out and head to bed. I do my night routine and think about just life itself. I always wonder sometimes. My mind wanders to places I always imagine going or seeing people I can no longer see. Questions start to pop up in my head and I start asking myself. Why did I have to go through what I went through? Why did he do what he did to me? How can someone be so selfish and disgusting? Why did I have to have my childhood ripped from me like a bandage ripped from your skin? Just why do I even stick around sometimes? Why am I not worth it? Why do I feel so lonely no matter how much love and affection anyone shows me? Why am I so alone? Why?