What was he thinking?
The thought keeps playing over and over in my head. I know I am not mistaken. I know what happened. He's my blood. He's part of my family. I know he remembers that. I know that's he knows. But if he knows, then why would he try?
But are you sure?
I live in this body. I know how it works. I know when it's touched and I know when it wants to be swallowed whole. I'm sure as the day is sure of the sun.
He would never.
Trust me, I'm trying to say the same thing. I know him from memories and days of fun and now I have a constant shiver in my spine because I feel threatened even though I'm miles away.
It could be an accident.
I thought it was an accident too. Hug him once, maybe he doesn't know his hand is on my breast. Hug him twice, maybe he thinks that he's holding my arm. Kiss him goodbye once, it's a good goodbye. Kiss him goodbye twice, he's finding it hard to say goodbye. Kiss him goodbye a third time, maybe he just really misses the company. Kiss him goodbye a fourth time, I know his tongue didn't accidentally fall from his mouth onto my face as I move away. I know about accidents. Accident is when I tripped and fell on my dog. Accidents are not treating a child like your wife.
A moment that took up maybe a minute of my life should not leave me feeling like I am disgusting or dirty for days afterwards. I should not feel like I have to purge myself of a deeper evil within because of someone else's actions. I don't deserve to loose sleep at night because one thought, one moment keeps playing over and over in my head.
What was he thinking?
