Hush

12

I stayed in the room the entire day, not once stepping foot outside of it. The only time I ever left the bed was to go to the bathroom too.

Zach had come in a few times and brought me food and drink. We would talk for a while then he would leave. The talks consisted of mainly him flirting and me just nodding in response as my face got redder and redder.

At one point he had moved close enough to put his hand on my thigh and I didn't stop him. I don't know why I didn't, but I didn't.

I felt a bit ashamed by it, but I kind of liked his attention. It was horrible and unfair and stupid and the worst thing I'd done since here. But I didn't care. Braden pissed me off and I'm sick of being locked up and unable to leave. Zach is the only contact I've had in so long and I love it, even though I started out hating him.

Braden wanted to use us both so this is what he deserves.

I wouldn't do anything of course, just talk to him and let him flirt, maybe flirt back some. I won't...go any further.

Zach came in again and smiled brightly, his hands behind his back. I give him a confused and slightly worried look as I sit up.

"So, I've been thinking and I know we've only just met but when your leg heals up enough you wanna go out some time?" He asked, pulling out a flower. I gave him a shocked look as if he were crazy and scoffed.

"Braden would kill us. Are you kidding?" I said, laughing. "Maybe, if things go well for you. You should worry more about that than me." I say, trying not to piss him off.

He just frowned and looked down. "I know but... I like you and I want to show you. I know you have allot of issues with walking and all at the moment that's why I wanted to wait." He said, seemingly telling the truth. I sigh and can't help but feel bad for laughing.

"Okay, we can go out some time." I say, giving him a smile. He smiles back, his face lighting up in joy.

Later that night when Braden came home Zach disappeared for a while, using Braden's car to go look for jobs. It was weird that he was doing it in the middle of the night but I didn't question it.

Braden came up to the room and took a shower, changing in the bathroom. When he came out he stood and watched me for a while. He'd said hi when he entered but I ignored him and now I was just keeping my head down and not looking up.

I knew my feelings for him were starting to grow but I just didn't know what to do. I didn't want to admit them but it hurt to hide them, knowing what the outcome would be.

'Starting' wasn't even the word to describe it. They'd been there for a long time, I just ignored them and/or passed them off as something else. But now I'm starting to realize what they really meant.

"B-Braden..." I manage, not sure what I was going to even say. I close my eyes for a moment and I can feel the tensity in the air grow.

"Yeah?" He asks, his voice just as unsure as mine was.

"P-please... Forgive me." I say, feeling my walls starting to crack. It'd been so long since I'd ever...let myself feel.

He quickly sits down beside me, going to wrap his arms around me but stopped.

For some reason that made me crack. I started crying. No. Sobbing. "I'm sorry Braden... I know-you-i-you told me not to and I did anyways. And-i..." I half confessed my slicing my thighs in a weird and sort of discombobulated way and went to tell him how I felt but couldn't. He had Zach and Zach seemed better off than I'd ever be.

"Valen, calm down, tell me what's wrong, please." He says, holding me close. "What did you do that I said not to?"

I pulled up my pants legs, being that they were only sweat pants. Once it showed the scars-well not exactly scars, they were still recent. I could feel Braden tense up.

"Valen...why?" He asks, tears now in his eyes. That only causes me to cry more, clinging to him.

"I'm sorry, I had to, I couldn't deal with it. And then he showed up and I got jealous and it only got worse I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused. I've never felt like this for a guy before and I don't know why I am I shouldn't be and I don't know what to do!" I sobbed into his chest. Half of my words I couldn't even understand and I was saying them. But he understood somehow.

"Valen...what feelings? Calm down okay?" He says calmly, instantly turning into the helper that I'd always seemed to have. He never was himself, he always made himself something else.

Instead of speaking like I planned on doing so I could somehow easily explain everything in a calm manner after a bunch of thought.

But that didn't happen.

My body acted on it's own, pulling his face close and smashing my lips against his. He tensed and I could tell he was debating on whether or not to kiss back or push me away. Frankly I didn't know what I wanted him to do.

He pulled away though and I just let myself fall against his chest, tears still streaming down my face. He didn't say anything, he just held me close to him, shh-ing me and trying to calm me down.

Braden

He loved me... I think to myself. I couldn't believe it. Well, maybe he didn't love me, maybe he liked me. It was still something. Something perfect. Something that was finally some progress.

I know he's scared to love me or even like me, but I just...needed this. I'll do anything to make sure his feelings don't dwindle. I also have to do whatever I can to keep Zach away from him. He'd told me earlier that he had thought Valen was cute and everything so I knew he had his eye on him.

I also knew he was good at manipulation. That's how I ended up sleeping with him in the first place. He just made it sound so good that I couldn't refuse even though I still wanted to. Every time it came to that I couldn't deny it.

God I'd really dicked it all up. If Valen found out I'd slept with Zach it'd all be over.

Once Valen was asleep I let myself relax back against the pillows, holding him close still.

I'd have to get rid of Zach, too. I think he is starting to get suspicious. He mentioned as he was leaving that 'Chris' looked a lot like Valen.