The boy who lost, teen wolf AU.

5 years later

Stiles P.O.V

5 years later, another girl sits on the end of my bed, she tastes of a different bubble gum flavour than what I was used to, her blonde locks fall on the side of her neck as she pulls out one of my old books, one I had to read in high school for a project and from one of the pages falls a picture, a picture of Lydia and I.

"Who's this?" Zara asked, with her eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

"Just an ex lover you know" I said with a soft smile.

but what I didn't  say is that sometimes when I think about love, I think about her.

"She was younger than me" I told her.

but what I didn't tell her was that the 16 summers in her bones had warmed the 17 winters my skin had withered.

"I don't think about her anymore" I said to Zara.

but what I didn't say was that sometimes when I hold her I still smell Lydia's vanilla perfume, that sometimes when I hold her I crave someone else's touch.

"Its nothing now" I say, smiling a hollow smile.

but what I don't say is that it was everything then.

"babe are you ok?" Zara asked, looking slightly tensed.

"Yes of course I'm fine!" I smiled "I just have some work I'll be back soon"

I jumped out of the bed and threw on a t shirt  and a pair of jeans that were lying about, quickly I took a hold of my winter coat and slid my arms into it. As I stepped out of the door the harsh wind hit across my warm cheeks. I inhaled the cool air and thought of that fateful night. The night of Lydia's party, I felt a pang of pain in my stomach because I knew it was my fault. It was my fault Lydia left us, I should have spoke to her, I should have made her stay. I would have done anything and everything to make her stay. but I didn't and there's nothing I regret more than that. I watched my whole life fall apart in front my very eyes and all I did was stare blankly. 5 years, its been 5 long years and I still haven't forgotten her. Her auburn hair, those hazel eyes. I still remember everything about her. All the small details she thought no one knew. How she blinked a lot when she lied, or bit her lip when she was in thought, the way she tapped her foot on the floor when she was anxious or nervous and how she licked her index finger every so often when reading a book just to help turn the pages. I wanted to hate her for leaving but I couldn't. I wouldn't. Maybe I shouldn't have made that plan with the rest of the guys to show Lydia what Jackson was really like, maybe then she wouldn't have left, maybe then she wouldn't have been dead. I could have stopped her, I almost did. In my opinion almost is the saddest word in the world.
I was almost completely in love.
She was almost too good for me.
I almost stopped her.
She almost waited.
I almost had her.
She almost lived.
We almost made it.
Its over I know but I refuse to accept it for some reason, I can't accept I lost the love of my life. It's like I'm waiting. There's 2 types of waiting in this world, the type of waiting you do for something that you know is coming, sooner or later. Like waiting for the bus that comes at 7:57am in the morning, or the train, or an event where a certain beautiful lady may be. And there's the waiting for something you don't know is coming. You don't even know exactly what it is, but your hoping for it. Your imagining it and living your life for it. That's the kind of waiting that makes a fist in your heart. And I've been waiting for something for 5 years, for something that might not even come back.
Maybe we weren't meant to be, maybe that's why we grew apart, maybe the universe didn't want us to be together, so it did everything to separate us into two different worlds. I now have a new moon but I still can't forget the way I swore I said I had always seen galaxies in her eyes.